Posts (page 2)

Prateek and Chetana. The relationship between them pretty much defined my days at Tri-Chandra. The relationship between them was as simple and as complex as the flowing water in a river. Water most probably defines a river but water, perhaps, does not need river to be defined. Also, what I could safely say is if Chetana was a flower, Prateek represented a dew drop on the flower. Together, they represented a refreshing relationship. I must also say this, for Prateek the relationship meant glory and for Chetana glorified dazzle. Prateek and I went to high school together. Shared seats on the same row for many years. We both decided to go for TC, and there we were. Amrit ma ta nam niskena ni, score pugena ta ganthe. Allikati le bhyayena. Padhne belama bigriyera hiniyo ani yatro bhyamthyo score le Amrit ma?

Anil was another creature in our group of five. Anil, Prateek, Pandey, Rajendra, and myself were in that group of five. Whenever prateek was not around, Anil would ask us ýhaina tyo mu** prateeke musa (Prateek dublo patalo thyo) ma ke chha jo ma sanga chhaina ra tyo chetana musa patti lagya huh?ý Our casual smile would respond his query most of the time. There were times when Anil made that kind of comment even when Prateek was around. One evening while heading toward kamaladi, Anil said looking at Prateek ýta jasto ta das wata nokar rakhna sakchhe yaar tyo chetana leýferi kina tero pachhi lagya tyo? Ke jadoo garis huh?ý ýPrateek samet eghara wata parne bichar gari hola ni ta.ý Pandey said before Prateek could speak. We all laughed. Then prateek-looking at Anil and said , ýtalai daadh lagyo ki ke ho? Sakchhas bhane tyai laija ýn ta Chetana laiý. We all knew Anil had tried hard and failed on that mission. Chetana had shielded Prateekýs confidence with her dedication to the relationship. Isc. Sakina saath bya garne tungo ma pugeka thiye prateek ra chetna.

Pandey was after Chetanaýs best friend and was succeeding at slow but steady pace. The girl being a Maharjan did not discourage Pandey, for his philosophy was simple. ýMaharjan saharjan je bhaye pani keti nai ho--kt ko nam, thar, jaat, gotra chahe je sukai hos na---afulai ta kam sanga matlab chha. ýkaamý ta aba uhi ho niýandar bahar---tyasaile ma ta bhed bhav gardina keta ho---timi harule ni nagaresý Pandey would say.

Rajendra was probably the most decent guy among us. Mero ta ke kura garai bho ra. Ma ta yessima khattam tyati bela. Ahile ta ma nikkai sudhri sake ni. Aba ta budes kaal pani ta lagyo ni. Aaaiya! Anyway, I never heard Rajendra using any foul words. He was sharp at study. Had a reserved personality. Always spoke with respect for other people. He used to say ýtimiharu sabai narak ma janchhauý. We used to counter that by saying, ýta matrai eklai swarga ma basera hamilai dhoka dinchha ta? Aauchas ni narka ma hami sangai haina ta?ý One day as we were heading toward rimijhim bhojanalya at ratnapark for mixed chat, a chwak girl passed us by. Khatara keýbhaynakar nai chwak ni. Pandey commented, ýyasko tighra ma ek choti chimotna paye yo ratna park nangai hinthe maý. Disgusted Rajendra responded, ýhera yasko boliýkuhiyeko bichar---tero baini lai kasaile yasto bhanyo bhane talai kasto lagchha? Yo keti pani kasaiko bahini hoýlearn to respect.ý Pandey musukka hasera bhanyo, ýher mu** pandit brahmachari---aba taile bya garne keti ni kasaiki baini hunchhe---kasaiki baini lai ni kei ni nagarne bhe chimta bokera ja jungle tira ra ke re naam tyo mu** ko? Uhhhh--- Bhisma!ýho tyai bhisma le jasto katera fyalde..ý

After TC, I came to the US. It was chetana who offered me chandan at Pashupati that last Saturday before my flight to the US. Pandey and his girl were having heck of a time. Anil was still waiting for Chetna, I knew. Chetana, and Prateek agreed to get married later that year in Mangsir. Prateek went to India for his higher studies in the mean time, and Chetna stayed in Kathmandu. So, did Rajendra. Anil went to south India, later.

Suru suru ma ta we used to write/call to each other frequently then frequency dwindled. Prateek and Chetna were yet to be married. Pandey had a new girl friend. Anil would still mention chetna in his letters whenever he wrote to me. Rajendra went to medical college in Maharajgunj.

One day, I received a letter from ecstatic Anil. He wrote, ýprateeke musa le euti madisini bhagayechha,--- Chetna ko behal chha rey---tara je bhe ni khusiko khabar ke bhan.na? Chetna khali bhai---bhoj khana thik pari rakh---suit silairakh----ý yastai ke ke ho k ke----I thought Anil was going crazy.

In the US, I moved from college to college looking for some good ýdealý. Matlab khana basna padhna afno aukat le pugne khojdai. After full five years, I graduated and returned to Ktm in summer. Poorana saathi haruko yaad aauthyo tara khoj khabar khasai kehi thiyena. The day I landed in Kathmandu, I went to see Rajendra first because his house was closest to mine. It was about 7 PM. I was so excited to see him. I had not called him cuz I wanted to surprise him right at his door. I opened up the main gate by myself the way I used to in the past. The door still made the same squeaking sound once again. When I pressed the door bell, I hoped that Rajendra is at home and will wide open the door. My heart was beating like a jadya runs, erratically. Ma ta herya heryai khuleko dhokama---maile kehi bolnu aghi nai Rajendra also came to the door saying ýko huh?ý Bya gare chha Rajendrale---ek hapta le ma dhilo bhaye chhu. Suhauna pani kasto suhayeko ni Chetna ra Rajendra ko jodi.

***

परकास्? ! एउटा यस्तै जिन्दगीको रजतोत्सब तिर हुदो हो आयो मेरो अगाडी तीन इन्च जतिको मुस्कान लिएर---

परकास्?! फेरि त्यै सम्बोधन् तर यस् पटक अलि सानो आवाज्मा फ्याँक्यो म तिर र मैले केइ बुझ्नु अघि नै हात पसार्यो मिलाउन लाइ --- मैले नी असमन्ज्यस्यमै बढाएं हात --- अखिल स्तरमा उस्ले हात मिलाउदै सोध्यो “अनि के छ?”

सोम निक्कै प्रफुल्ल देखिन्थ्यो खै किन हो? शहिद गेट नेर सूर्यका ढल्किदा किरण सङ्गै बरालिँदा चिसा झैं लाग्ने बतास माझ् उस्ले मलाइ भेट्टाकोथ्यो त्यो दिन।

चिनिनस् कि के हो मलाइ?” उस्को मुस्कन् तन्केर हासोको चौरमा लड्नै लाग्या देखिन्थ्यो। मेरो दिमाग घट्ट झै घुम्या सुन्या मात्रै हैन देख्या नी हुनु पर्छ तेस्ले। आफुले सम्झे जति मनिस् सङ्ग त्यस्को अनुहार् भिडार हेरें दिमागमा कसै सङ्ग मिलाउन सकिन। त्यस्तरी आफुलाइ चिन्या मन्छे लाइ आफुले चिनिन भन्नु धिक्कार हो जस्तो लाग्यो …तर को हो को खै भन्नै सकिन।

“खै चिन्या चिन्या जस्तो नि लाग्छ ---“
"चिनिन" लाइ सके सम्म राम्रो सुनिने गरी शब्दमा लडाएँ।

“बज्यालाइ दिन्छु घुच्चुकमा अनि ऐले चिनिन भन्दा त” शब्द कडा खाले प्रयोग् गरे पनि उस्को अनुहरमा नओइलाको मुस्कानले शब्दको अर्थ भावत्मक् भएको पुस्टि गर्थ्यो।

म पस्चिम् सन्सार तिर केहि बर्ष थन्किएर घर पुग्या दोस्रै दिन अफ्ना पुराना बाटाहरुम बरालिन पुग्या थिएँ उ फेला पर्यो।

उ अझै मेरै अनुहर हेरिराथ्यो मैले उस्लाइ चिनम्ला र उ चम्किम्ला भनेर होला --- मेरो मन्मा अब भने यो को होला भन्ने भन्दा के आइलाग्यो मलाइ यो फेरि भन्ने सोचाइ उर्लिदा थिए।

तँ त मोटाइछस् नी --- काँ छस अचेल्? सोध्यो।

म हीँ छु --- यसो आँखालाइ उस्को अनुहरबाट हटार अगाडी हेरेँ --- मोटाको कुरा त हो सबैले मोटाइछस् त भनेकै हुन् --- अब यो सोम चै मोटाको हो की दुब्ला हो मैले के भन्नी हो थाहा छैन--

के गोस्वारा हुलकाँ छस् तँ? सोध्यो।

"हैन…"

के त दुरसन्चाराँ?

"हैन ---ही भन्या काठ्मान्डुमा ---" मैले भनेँ ।

"काँ छ त जागिर्?" उस्लाइ चाहियो –

"जागिर सागिर छैन मेरो --- मैले मन् मनै फेरि भनेँ “थुक्क ---के आइलग्या यो? यसो घुममनत भन्या किन पाइन्थ्यो आफ्नो सुरमा”

के त बिजिनेस् छ? फेरि सोध्यो---

"छैन ----" म पनि जवाफ् चै दिदै थिएँ।

"हैन तैले साच्चिनै चिनिनस् कि के हो मलाइ?" उ फेरि पुरानै कुरामा आयो ---

"ह्ह्म्म्म्म्म्म्म्म्म्म् ---" मैले घोरिएर फेरि चिन्छु कि जस्तो नाटक गरेँ ---

"म डम्बर के --- अब चिनिस्?" उस्ले उस्को नाम भनेर मलाइ सजिलो पार्या होला झन् अप्ठेरोमा पार्यो --- मेरो मनले झर्केर सोध्यो मलाइ "को डम्बर?"

"ए परकासे --- हैन तँ त सन्किस् कि के हो?" अब भने उ अलि गम्भिर् भो
--- मलाइ नि डर् डर् लाग्यो ---अब के गर्ने हो यो डम्बरेले भनेर --- परकास् परकास् भन्छ ---- हुन त दीपको परिभासा नै परकास् हो ---त्यत्ति सम्म त मिलायो तर यो परकास् भन्या को हो --- यो डम्बरे को हो --- मलाइ केहि थाहा भएन ---

“सल्लेरी नि मा बि --- अब नी सम्झिनस् भने चै फेला पर्छस्” त्यस्को अर्को हिन्ट फेरि ब्यर्थ गयो --- कताको सल्लेरी नि मा बि हो ---- अब मेरो शंका पक्का हुदै गयो – म गलत् चिनारीको फन्दामा परें–

मैले “तपाइं अल्मलिनु भो जस्तो छ” भन्या मात्रै थिएँ छक्क पर्या दृस्टी म तिर हुर्‍याएर मेरो हात्मा समात्दै बदाम् बेचेर बस्या एउटी आइमाइ छेउ उभ्यायो "--- ए दिदि ल हेर त --- चिनेउ येस्लाइ?"

--- दिदि ले नियालेर हेरिन् --- दिदिले बोल्नु अघि नै फेरि डम्बरे बोल्यो --- "परकास् के चिनिनौ?—

“डाँडाको”? दिदि ले सोधिन् …

"अनि के त?" डम्बरे हास्यो ---

के दशा लाग्या बेलाँ निस्केछु आज ---डम्बरे मात्रै हैन दिदि नि आइलगिन् फेरि मनमा तर्कना आए --- डम्बरे ले हात् छोडया छैन मेरो अझै –फुस्काएर भाग्न नसक्ने नि हैन – बाझ्न नसक्ने नि हैन म तर तमासाको पात्र हुने नि मन् थिएन ---

“पराजुलि है? दिदि ले पक्का पार्न खोजिन्

डम्बरले “हो” ठोक्दियो।

हेर्दा हेर्दै म परकास् पराजुलि भएँ त्या शहिद् गेटाँ।

"अलि मोटाछन् नाक् नक्स त उहि" दिदिले नि चिनिन् मलाइ ---

"ओखर् बोटे दिदि चिनिस्?" डम्बरे ले सोध्यो मलाइ---

"उसैलाइ त चिन्या छैन अझ ओखर् बोटे दिदि रे फेरि ---- " मान्छे छिन्ने जाँचाँ म चिप्लेँ।

यत्तिकैमा ओखर् बोटे दिदि को बदाम् राख्या नाङ्लो एउटा राम्रो खुट्टा नटेकि झुम्दै गीत् गाउदै गर्याले ठोक्काएर घोप्ट्यायो --- दिदि कराइन् --- डम्बरे नि त्यतै तिर लाग्यो --- मौकामा आइपुग्या ट्याक्सि समातेर म नि हुइकिएँ --- “चाबेल् जाम्” राहत् सङ्ग मैले भने ---

ट्याक्सिमा ओखर् बोटे दिदि ---डम्बरे सम्झेर हासो पनि उठ्यो ---

चाबेल् चोकमा ट्याक्सि बाट ओर्लेर चारै तिर हेरेँ अनि ओरालो तिर बाट आउदै गर्या एउटा लाइ के सुर् चल्यो बोलाएँ मैले नी “परकास्”

उ अलमल्ल पर्यो --- अखिल् मार्का हात मिलाउदै भनें --- “अलि दुब्ला जस्तो लाग्यो हो?”

मैले फेला पर्या सोम् सिसुपाल् रे छ --- मोटायो भन्नै नसुहाउने ----

"अँ--- अलि दुब्लाइयो अस्ति टाइफाइड भएर झन्नै --"
- फेरी उस्ले सोच्यो होला यो को हो को लाइ --- ---

"मलाइ नचिन्या हो कि क्या हो?" सोधेँ।

“खै---------------“
के चिन्थ्यो तेस्ले ---

"म डम्बर ---" मैले चिनाएँ।
"सल्लेरी नि मा बि के– याद् आयो?---"

उस्ले अनुहारमा चिन्ताका बादल थुप्रै भेला पारी सकेछ।

ओखरबोटे दिदी खोज्दै थिएँ मेरो परकासले बाटो काटि सके छ --- फर्किदै हेर्दै लम्किदै बाटो तताउदोँ परकासे बिचरा टाइफाईडले झन्नै सिद्याएछ।

A bad dream woke her up. Short August night had already matured but dawn was still far away. She could hear light rain was falling outside. It was raining since last evening. "ajhai paani pari ra re chha" she said to herself.
Her son, Anil, was a nightmare for her. Anil in his pursuit of being a feared boy of the neighborhood was picking up all the actions she deeply detested. Throwing an inclusive look at the darkness-seized ceiling she wandered on her thoughts for a few moments then got up. She gloomily wondered if Anil is still in his room or already sneaked out for the night venture. *Sadhe tin baje ta paani aaucha* this routine, although uncalled for, quickly crossed her mind.

She, then, came down to check the status of her notorious son. There was a small horizontal window above Anil�s room and when she casually peeked through there she encountered something that almost challenged her consciousness. There was a deadly and extremely violent looking skeleton dancing on the wall. The fierce looking skeleton appeared to have been snatching some flesh from its blood-soaked hands, and blood also seemed to be dripping from its glowing red eyes. Luckily, it was not looking at her. Then she saw another terror- provoking skeleton-faced creature calmly sleeping just next to her son, Anil. She completely froze in fear. Before she could recollect herself to scream or move, the skeleton, which was sleeping with her son, moved. She ran up to her bedroom as soon as and as quietly as she could.

She wildly shook her husband, who was vacationing in his dreamland after a day of hard work. "shhhhhhh" vertically holding her index finger over her trembling lips, she whispered "launa!---Anilko kothama bhittama ragatpachhe bhako narakankal nachira chha ani arko chai sutirachha Anil sanga---" Anilko ba, also known as Mukundai, lai masta sanga nidayera sapanama oodira belama jhanglyang jhunglung garera oothako patakkai man pareko thiyena tyasmathi pani narakankal ko kura. Kolte ferdai he said, "timile sapanama dekhya hola---la la suta---ke ko narakankal aauchhan yaha ghar ma---tyo pani daju bhai nai chhan rey? "

"aafu chai dar le pasina pasina bhai sake---hajur chai---chhito uthsyos" Anil's mom sounded really worried. She swore by all the handy gods and goddesses to testify what she saw was for real. She flipped on the switch on the side of their bed and a dark red zero-watt bulb lit the room. Batti takiyale chhekera arko euta kolte ferdai Mukundai said, " feri narakankal sangai sutnelai dar lagya chhaina, timilai chai ke ko dar ta?"

Alarmed by total silence challenged only by his wife's accelerated breathing Mukundai turned around to his wife only to meet her anger and fear raged eyes. Mukundai ko man ma ni aba halka chiso pasyo. He saw his wife badly shaken. Just then a loud bang tearing the silence of the night claimed the power. The room plunged into darkness. Narakankal rey? Mukundai did not like the sound of that word a bit.

Daraye pani srimatiko agadi nadarako jasto gardai torch light bokera man man ma gayatri mantra japdai mukundai orliye bharyang. Anil ko kothako dhokamathi ko sano jhyal bata bhitra herya ta Anil eklai fwa fwa sutirako re chha--- narakankal ko atto patto thiyena.
***

After a long day of trivial ups and downs, Naresh entered his house at the wrong moment. "dinbhar kaha baraliyera aako huh ta?" his uncle asked. The question was so vague and regular that Naresh did not feel like answering but almost immediately his uncle threw another order at him "chini sakiyo, Bisne went all over the place but couldn't find even a pau---go get some sugar from somewhere.." Naresh rannna bho ris le. "Din bhar hallera thakera bharkhar ta gharma aaudai chhu---" Naresh wanted to hose down the sugar-fetching order but then he thought what's the point? Without saying a word he went upstairs. His mom repeated the same question about his whereabouts the whole day and restated that chini lyaune order albeit in much sweeter tone compare to that of his uncle. This time, Naresh sensing the moment vulnerable enough for compromise, expressed his consideration as a bargain "euta ledar ko jyaket kindinuna bhanda chai sunya nasunei garni ahile yo aadha raata ma chini sini khojna jana sakdina ma". Aadha raat ta tyastai ustai ho--the evening was gradually making room for descending night to settle in. kramasa:

----Aadha raat ta tyastai ustai ho--the evening was gradually making room for descending night to settle in. kramasa: ---

*Aba hya bholi chya khana lai chini chhaina talai ahile leather ko jacket chahiyo?* She asked with a bit irritation. *Ahile nai kindinu ta kasle bhanya chha ra? Por ko dashain lai dekhi bhaneko---sabai saathi harule laayera hidchhan afu chai jharpat jyaket layera hinnu parchha---borai hunchha---* Naresh expressed his frustration being as emotional as the current situation permitted. His mom did not say anything. Encouraged, Naresh pressed on his issue *yaspali kindinuna hai maamu---?* after a brief pause, he also added, �kati lyaune rey chini?� Naresh saw his mom�s loving eyes gazing at him. She said, *malai bhanera ke�terai buwa lai bhan.na---kindine buwale ho kyare�. Naresh knew usle bhanera ta bau le leather ko jyaket dine bhanda baru nango aang ma bhako usko original leather damage gardelan bhanne dar thyo. His dad was really mad at him for securing failing marks on two subjects last year. *gadha lai chutai napugya�* was his father�s response rey after knowing about his failure. Naresh softly said *aba leather ko nakindini bhe tyo jeans ko bhitra patti bhuwa bhako jyaket kinde ni hunchha---tyo ali sasto hunchha�. Mom hurriedly responded, �la la ma kura gardiula mauka milayera---ta ahile galfati nagari chhitto kati sakchha tyati chini liyera aaija--�

*I guess I should tell everybody, especially to your mother,* Naresh said.

*Are you asking for some serious problems to chase you?* Smoking his second yak in 20 minutes Anil asked Naresh. So, what should I do? Naresh seemed really worried. A light cool breeze occasionally with some foul smell was wandering around. Naresh and Anil were sitting on one of the sattaris (wooden beams) of bhatkya pool over the dry embankment of dhobikhola. Filter nera pugnai lageko yak churos Anil ko hath bata liyera Nareshle dhit marne gari tanyo. Pich.cha thukera Anil le bhanyo "fyalde yai kholama---lyachhas haina bokera?" Neelo rangko shirt debre hath le bahira batai chhamdai Nareshle arko ek sarko churos tanera *chha * ma tauko hallayo. "Fyal de yahi and forget about it" Anil suggested. Few minutes later carefully scanning the surrounding, Naresh threw it on the water and saw it flowing southbound toward kaalo pool --paani ma chhachalkidai. Even then it looked really scary.

Tyo dharmeko gharma baluwa chalne taruni aauchu bhanya chhe aaja --- ta basne ki jaane?" Anil asked. Naresh did not say anything. * Pachas rupya rey *Anil added.
The he also added * ma sanga ta tyai pachas matrai chha *. Disappointed Naresh got up and left saying *moj gar * ---timro har prasna ko jawaf mero chiththi haru ma khojnu---gungunaudai hinyo Naresh. Samaya yastai nau jati bajya hudo ho raat ko. --sakya chhaina hai----

Ledar nabhaye ni bhitra bhuwa bhako jean jyaket paune jhino aashalai sakdo oochai ma puryaudai Naresh niskiyo ghar bata daine tira chibahal pardai. He walked so confidently through that narrow, dark, and littered galli as if he was taking a walk on that stretch of road between Singh durbar and Bhadrakali. Came out and made a left turn onto the grand main artery or thoroughfare of hadigaun then headed northbound toward Bhuteswor. Bekhalal ka chhoriharulai ni nachinya ta kaha hora? So he first stopped at Bekhalal�s pasal/house thinking yahi chini paiyo bhane ta jhanjhatai khattam. As he was about to ask for one of Bekha sahu�s daughters, haku cha chhyaka who was leaning against one of those empty mattitel ka dadam (drum) asked *kallai khojya?�

Chini napaune rog lagya thyo teti bela. *timro maasu khani alikati pani chini chhaina � bhanera taari Bekhaki taruni chhorile. Chini napaye ni tyo taruniko kasseko jyanlai ryal chuhunjel herera bato lagyo naresh Kisna mandir tira. Without blinking his eyes, he glanced at Bhuteswor, Kisna mandir under that huge peepal tree and few other temples and shrines scattered around and did one blanket darshan to cover them all. Daine tira ganesh pardai oralo orliyo Naresh bro ani dhunge dhara bata arko daine curve liyera haniyo Naresh dhobikhola faant tira Chabel jane bicharma. There in chabel tyo maijubahal jane batama one of his friends had a pasal. Naresh knew he can get something there. Not that many houses were there on those faants then. Khola tari sakera ek chhin hine pachhi aauthyo tyo bhatkya pool. Bulbule dekhi liyera tyo newar jalaune dhisko bhaye tira sammaka ghar haruma batti baleka thiye. Eutale tyo manchhe jalaune dhiskai sangai tasera ghar banako dekhera Nareshko jyan siring bho *kasto rachhhes re chha---masanmai ghar banara baseko ye--* the thought. Tyaha dekhiko ukalo chabel ganeshthan ma pugera sakiyo. Mandir bata debre modiyera chabel chowk katera binayak studio aaunu aghinai bato katyo Nareshle ra takyo tyai maijubahal jane batako pasal.

Pasalma kohi nabhako mauka parera Naresh asked for some chini. Paila ta chhaina bhanyo dhurbe le pachhi ek chhin kich kich gare si basi rakh bhanyo. Pasal pachhadi bolayera la yatti ho bhanera dui kg chini dyo ani Budhbar aaija aru diula ni bhanyo. Nare left the pasal and headed back home. At least, ritto hath ta farkinu parena bhandai.

Right after he crossed the chabel chowk [before approaching Charu medical hall --tyo sau ko pasal kasto settai thyo ganthe! Anyway--] his eyes caught something being displayed for sale on one of the pasals on his left side. Carefully watching all the choices he picked one. He hid what he had just purchased under his shirt and kept on walking with a wicked smile. He had a plan ----
----
The mask he bought was terribly a scary one. Bhirab nath rimal �kadam� ko ghar nera pugda he saw a couple of women walking uphill toward him. He decided to put the mask to test. The lady who saw him first screamed her lung out and ran back down, the other lady who was much older than Naresh thought just dropped silently on the road like a sack of potato. Naresh quickly took his mask off. He was worried---manchhe le samatera hamro tolma aaimai tarsaune tai haina bhanera dana dan diye bhane? He walked as quickly as possible�mask lai shirt bhitra lukayera. Tala kholalo faant ma aayera farkera hereko ta noone was chasing him. Taba po uslai saas aayo. He smiled�mask ta khatarako kineko ho maile bhandai.

Gharma pugera bhat khaisake pachhi, he came to his room. He kept on staring at the mask for a minute. Afailai pani dar dar lagya jasto bho uslai. Then he quickly got out with the mask. Anilko ghar pachhadi bisale ra tyasko kakako ghar thyo. Bisaleko jhyal bahira gayera, he knocked on the window and put his mask on. Tyasko bainile po jhyal kholi�then Ammmmaaaaaa! Bhanera chichyadai she disappered. Ek chhin ho halla bho. After about half an hour, Naresh went to Bishale ko kakako ghar tira and knocked on his grandma�s window. Aamaile jhyal kholya matrai ke thin mask dekhera raam raam raaam bhandai dangrangai. Naresh quickly disappeared. *Aamai ta sita ram bhain ki ke ho?* man ma chiso pasyo Nareshko. Gharma aayera kan thado parera sutya jasto gari rahyo. Bahira halla khalla suniyena.

Bholipalta ta byapak halla bhaisakya re chha raati khyak ra bhut aako bare. Sunaune le afno aru masala thapera sunauda sunauda Naresh nai chhakka parne gari aljhisakeko re chha kuro ta. He liked that.

Anil ra Nareshko ghar jodiyeko thyo. He did not even tell Anil about his mask. Raati bhaye pachhi Naresh went to Anil�s house to show him his mask and reveal the bhut suspense. Mukundai aaipugya rahenchhan, the main entrance was closed but not locked He got in. Anil�s house was one those old jhigatiko chhana bhako house and his room was on the first floor. Dhoka bata bhitra chhinra saath Naresh put his mask on. Tyo talama aandhakar thyo mathlo talama batti balya thyo. Since Naresh knew where that kathko khudkila khudkila bhako bharyang was, he had no problem in getting there even in that dark with the mask on. Bharyangko pahilo khudkiloma pugnai ke lagya thyo mathi arko bharyang bata kohi orliyo. Anile hola, he thought and positioned him quite strategically in deadliest position-bharyang pachhadi ko khudkiloma jhundiyera. Bharyang sakinu bhannu nai Anile ko kotha ko dhoka aaunu thyo. Anil usko dhokama aaipugeko sochera Naresh le khudkiloko bich bata tauko nikalera kasto darlagdo swar nikalam bhanera sochya matra ke thyo Anil ko amale bharyang ka khudkilo ko bich bata tyasto bhayanak taukole chiyai raheko dekhin. Sato putlo udyo unko----tyai bhutko darle mukundai na.aaipuge pani dhoka launa aaudai garya re chhin---chichyaudai bharyan bata gultin. Bhut baneko Nareshko pani sato putlo udyo. Ek hath le mask thutera, Naresh niskiyo tyaha bata.

Naresh couldn�t sleep well that night. Anilko aama lai khas kehi bhayenachh. But she was badly shaken up. Naresh tried to tell Anil about the mask the all day next day but he could not. Later at night, Naresh decided to take on Anil too. Since Anil and Naresh were best friends, Naresh knew Anil risaye pani things will be ok quickly. Naresh and Anil shared the same wall and had a few knocking patterns established to communicate. Naresh knocked on the wall twice, which meant are you there? Anil knocked back twice. Alikati mehanat garyo bhane Naresh afno jhyal bata Anilko jhyal ma jaana sakthyo. It probably was around 11 PM. Naresh quietly came out of his window with his mask on and tried to get on Anil�s side. Anil must have heard some movement outside so he came to his window to check that out. Anilko usko jhyal bahira patti mask lako Naresh sanga aakasmaat jamka bhet bho. �Aaye ma%$#@ ---chichyayera Anil battiyo kothako arko tira. Naresh enjoyed the moment and came back to his room. Naresh haseko sunyoAnil le uta patti.

Bholi palta bihanai Anil came to Naresh�s room and got really mad at him for doing what Naresh was doing with the mask. Especially, he was mad for causing unnecessary tension to his mother. �koi heart attack bhe ra marya bhe ke garthis?� Anil asked. sachhai! Naresh felt bad too.

Tyai saajh Naresh and Anil were sitting on bhatkya pool. *I guess I should tell everybody, especially to your mother,* Naresh said.

*Are you asking for some serious problems to chase you?* Smoking his second yak in 20 minutes Anil asked Naresh. So, what should I do? Naresh seemed really worried. A light cool breeze occasionally with some foul smell was wandering around. Naresh and Anil were sitting on one of the sattaris (wooden beams) of bhatkya pool over the dry embankment of dhobikhola. Filter nera pugnai lageko yak churos Anil ko hath bata liyera Nareshle dhit marne gari tanyo. Pich.cha thukera Anil le bhanyo "fyalde yai kholama---lyachhas haina bokera?" Neelo rangko shirt debre hath le bahira batai chhamdai Nareshle arko ek sarko churos tanera *chha * ma tauko hallayo. "Fyal de yahi and forget about it" Anil suggested. Few minutes later carefully scanning the surrounding, Naresh threw it on the water and saw it flowing southbound toward kaalo pool --paani ma chhachalkidai. Even then it looked really scary.

Bholipalta raatiko bhat khaisake pachhi Anil said * bhare raati ma kaha aaja gaf saf garne ani ootai ma ka sutne--- ma dhoka khulai rakh dinchhu* . They frequently used to do that. Naresh�s uncle never liked Naresh hanging out with Anil. When Naresh made sure his uncle retreated in his room for the night, he quietly walked out and went to Anil�s house. Anil ko kothama chhireko matrai ke thyo, Naresh ta ek chhin lai khangrangai bho.----- last part post garna baki chha.----

Anil ko kothama chhireko matrai ke thyo, Naresh ta ek chhin lai khangrangai bho.-----

When Naresh entered Anil�s room, he did not see Anil there but the first thing he saw was a deadly skeleton which appeared to be dancing on the south wall of Anil�s red-zero-watt-bulb lit room. The fierce looking skeleton appeared to be a highly violent one and was seen busy snatching some flesh from its blood-soaked hands. Blood drops could be seen dripping from its eyes. Before Naresh could think what he got into, with a violent sound he was pulled in the room. Naresh pasina pasina bhayo�mutu ta chhadi chhedera niklela jasto. Samhalinu agni nai Naresh saw Anil laughing at him. *yai khojya haina taile? Mask layera hamlai tarsauni? ----Naresh was wildly scared. *Arko kattu chahinchha? Taile lako ta su le nithrukka bho ho la ni---kaso?* Exploiting Naresh�s shaky but recovering senses Anil asked. *ke bho huh?* Anil�s mom asked from above hearing the scream. *kei nai kei* Anil carelessly replied. *Ani kina kara ta?* his mom asked again. *yattikai* Anil le ali jharkera bhanyo.

Anil manchhe khattam bhe ni, he was a great painter. Din bhar layera kaalo kapadama darlagdo narkaknkal paint gare chha ra jhundaye chha bhittama--- jhyal bata aaune halka hawa, chhaya ra battiko special effect pani diyera kothai tarsaune banako re chha. Suruma halka risako jasto gare ni, pachhi Anil ra Naresh both enjoyed the game of terror and thought of making a plan ---kas kaslai kahile kahile tarsaune. Aadha raat ni bhaisakya hudo ho---it was raining outside. Aru ek chhin gaf thoke pachhi Anil said, *la malai ta jhyappa paryo---aba sutam---- Anil fell asleep pretty quicky. Anil ko kotha pachhiltira dood (traditional bhada majhne�chuthne thau) ko paani drain bhayera jane khaldo thyo --- Naresh could not sleep for a cultural-nach gaan- show, seemed exclusively- was staged for him. Naresh knew the singing and dancing program must have been the courtesy of that dood-khaldo that must have produced millions of god damn artists- the mosquitoes. Almost for every item, Naresh clapped the artists only to encourage them. Adhyaro ma lamkhutte tokera kata janthe kata Naresh afailai kahile khuttama kahile galama ani kahile hathma pit.tai yata ra oota garera saaskritik karyakramka kalakaar haruko hausala badhai rahyo nikkai ber samma. Nindra aayena. Ek chhin lamkhuttelai jaane jati sappai manpari sabdale gaali pani garyo but those damned mosquitoes cared less. Anile ta masta suti ra thyo nindarai ma pyatta pitta gardai suterai bhaye pani cultural show ma participate gardai thyo. Wakkai bhayera Naresh thought* bhayena afnai kothama gayera sutna paryo* He quietly got out of Aniil�s room and his house--- pushed the main gate of his house only to find it locked from inside. Damn! He came back to Anil�s room again. Bahira paani pari nai ra thyo.

Sanskritik karyakram was still going on with full swing. Mukh samet chhopera sute ta lamkhuttele tonkne thiyenan tara ekkai chhinma garmi bhayera nissasseko jasto huni�odne bata mukh nikalyo�kanaima tuuuuiiiia garera whatzup bhandai galaime French kiss diyera hindini lamkhutteni harule tension garera hairan. Finally, Naresh came up with an idea of protecting his exposed face from the crazy lamkhutteniharu. He picked up a white thonga (kagajko jhola), tore holes for his eyes, nostrils, and mouth and covered his face and lied down.

Oota mathi Anil�s mom woke with a bad dream.--- she came down to check the status of her notorious son, Anil. There was a small horizontal window above Anil�s room and when she casually peeked through there she encountered something that almost challenged her consciousness. There was a deadly and extremely violent looking skeleton dancing on the wall. The fierce looking skeleton appeared to have been snatching some flesh from its blood-soaked hands, and blood also seemed to be dripping from its glowing red eyes. Luckily, it was not looking at her. Then she saw another terror- provoking skeleton-faced creature calmly sleeping just next to her son, Anil. She completely froze in fear. Before she could recollect herself to scream or move, the skeleton, which was sleeping with her son, moved. She ran up to her bedroom as soon as and as quietly as she could.

Naresh thought he heard some one out side. The deadly skeleton was still dancing on the wall. *Yo allachhina narakankalni yai lamkhutteharu lo geetma nachi ra hola* the shadow of hanging narakankal black-cloth was creating a special effect for that room. Naresh got irritated with it. Naresh stared the narakankal for a few seconds, and gradually got scared. Yo skeleton jagera aayo bhane! Naresh did not like the idea at all. So he got up and threw the skeleton painted kapada underneath the bed (khat). *La tantai khalas* he said to himself. He looked out from Anil�s room-just outside the room door. There was no one. �sachhikai tarsauna layo ki kya ho huh yaha?� I wondered. Just then a loud bang badly tore the silence of the night. No it was not thunder. For a second, Naresh almost passed out. Kotha aandhakar bhayo. He looked outside. *Padkyo thotro transformer feri* Naresh knew the reason behind the big bang. The whole neighborhood lost electricity.
---
rest is below.

Ordeal of that night

Didn�t know what time it was but beautiful hadigau was in deep sleep although quietness of the night was constantly being challenged by a few notorious stray dogs. Bange and I were silently sitting on one of the steps to Kisnamandir facing west. We were gone to Baudhha for some jadi buti and chhyang. Pasang gave some really good stuff that evening, we thought. Chabel bata hindai eghar bajna lai sakya thyo kyare. A light crisp breeze was carelessly wandering around. Only thing that seemed obviously missing was the swinging presence of regular drunkards roaming around with all sorts of mixed partial songs. For reasons unknown, we were in no haste to return home. Suddenly, I felt a wave of fear surging inside me. I heard something at distance and before I could react a milk-white horse passed through Bhuteswor with lightning speed. Aghast! I threw my popped up eyes at Bange who simply smiled looking at me. *Did you see that?* I asked with disconcerted voice. *saw what?* Bange casually asked. *A white horse---did you not see it pass through with blazing speed a moment ago?* Bange responded with a question without even looking at me *And who was the jockey---Bhuteswor himself?*

No one was riding that horse but I did not tell that to Bange. Instead, I got more terrified for I saw something I was not supposed to see- a ghost may be. Hadigau was infested with ghost stories and most of them were stale but I thought now there will be a fresh one about how Deep died the next morning after seeing a white horse at Bhuteswor. I got up and asked *hin mu** Bange ghar jam* . *Bange got up and instead of taking the steps to the road walked around the temple and headed toward the back of that kisnamandir under the giant peeple tree. --ka hinya ta ye mu**?�I asked with shaky voice. Ignoring my fear he replied *pakh na ta mu** darpok ek ***o mutera aam ani jamla ghar* and disappeared behind the mandir. I was standing there alone. A few seconds may have passed by---I could not stand there alone so I also headed behind the temple �ye mu** Bange bhandai* but neither Bange did reply nor did I hear him shooting. Worried I almost ran toward the back of the temple. Bange was nowhere around. I circle around the temple. Bange disappeared. I knew he was hiding somewhere looking for an opportunity to exploit my fear. I called �Bange!� No response. I kept calling him with more shaky voice each time. Nothing. Then I screamed, �ye ma$%#@ Bange!� This time not Bange but Ghorpa, the barber yelled back in Newari with some foul flavor for disturbing his peaceful night.

I came back to Bhuteswor. There was this triangle shaped shrine that hosted a typical looking Bhairav�s face. Had seen that face thousands of time but that night I got scared with him- the Bhairab. People used to say you should never stare at the Bhairab unless you wanted to be dead rather abruptly. I was scared with ghost and the god both, and Bange is nowhere to be seen. What was I supposed to do?

I stood there totally confused facing west just left to the Bhairab. I thought of running to the left toward sarsotithan to get to my house but just then I felt like the ground was shaking. Earthquake too? Damn! I was losing myself. Suddenly the white horse appeared near the Bhimsenthan and vanished again. A chill ran down my spine. I faced left and as I was about to run toward my home I heard *toom toom chhya---toom toom chhya* the newari baja they used to play while carrying the dead body to the last rite place cross dhobikhola. Baja ko saath saathai aaimaiharu royeko awaz pani aairaheko thyo---tyo pani merai ghar jaane bato tira baata. ---

Baja ko saath saathai aaimaiharu royeko awaz pani aairaheko thyo---tyo pani merai ghar jaane bato tira baata. I had to enter a galli, and go through a dark chibal before getting to my house. I was already scared with the idea of going thru that dark galli and chibal and now on top of that �toom toom chhya � was approaching me from the direction I was about to run to. Then I heard a scream on my right and saw someone jumping from one of the temples and run toward the orlao. It was Bange. *Deep!* he screamed and disappeared running down the oralo. I followed calling him. *Bange---Ye Bange---Ye mu** Bange---* Bange did not stop but kept on running through dhunge dhara, turned right toward dhobikhola but swiftly changed direction and with amazing speed ran toward panchedhara. I was running behind him like crazy. The sound of toom toom chhya was being overshadowed by the sound of women wailing. Why are these women crying so loudly and why are they taking the dead body to masan at this weird hour? The thought crossed my mind as I was chasing Bange.

� Chya� I heard a familiar voice.

Bange looked back a couple of times but did not stop running. I did not know why was he running and what was I chasing him for. Bange crossed Panchedhara and ran up that jogi kuti dhisko. On the top of that dhisko was a crumbling kuti or hut known as jogi kuti. People used to say there used to be a jogi long ago but died later. Even in day time, I had never dared to go there. Bange climbed up the dhisko and stood by the jogi kuti. I also climbed up to the jogi kuti to catch up with Bange but when I reached there I did not see him. Now, I was there standing at the place where I never dared to visit even under the brightest sun. I was completely freaked out. �Ma^%$# Bange, ke kich kich gari ra huh aadha raatma?� I screamed. No response. I could see chabel, dhumbarai, hadigau kisna mandir very clearly. Poornima hudo ho�the moon seemed quietly stationed up in the clear sky. I did not dare getting inside the jogi kuti at that hour of the night but decided to circle the kuti very cautiously. I kept thinking I would pass out any second cuz my heart was giving up and my mind was getting numb. Another wave of terror badly struck me when I saw a body lying at the back of the kuti. Thousands of goose bumps blanketed my body. Bange! I shouted. Damn! Bange is dead or just fainted? I did not know. When I went close enough to the lying body I realized it was not Bange but was our club captain Dharma dai. Je paye pani taanthyo Dharme ---aaja kaha bata ke tanera aayechha ra yaaha ladechha. I thought. Na mari sakyo! I got terrified. I felt a bit better it was not Bange but where is he?

I stared back at dharme�s face for no specific reason. He suddenly smiled. I terribly freaked out ---and just then a vulture landed on dharme�s chest and ripped out his intenstines---I saw Bange jumped off the jogi kuti---I also jumped off screaming �*Bangeeeee!*

I got up. Saw Bange lying face down just by me on my left side. On my right, I saw wavering steam escaping the glasses and kept chasing for a few seconds until it disappeared. With a smile, I grabbed a glass and said *Bange, ooth chya selauna lage chha*.


***
Bangele ni birseko chhaina rey bhanthyo yo kura.

Tyampubata orlanelai Dhalkumai ghurne
Pwalparya khaltima lakhau bhayejai garne
Manpari boli nasune antai aaye jhai lagne
Hadigauko bayan gari ke sadh.dhe hune

Aadharaatma tukre-ostajle tolai ghankaune
Manparya taruniko jhyalai muni gaudai turkyaune
Dui-char twak pachhi ardha-angreji farara aaune
Hadigauko bayan gari ke sadh.dhe hune

Kisnamandir pachhiltira barhamase paya bhaldai hune
Hwakrayang, angle, ra kach.chima bhura lagya hune
Arjunko gandiv jasto ek thari taare narkatma pangra doryaune
Hadigauko bayan gari ke sadh.dhe hune

Asar dekhi dashain lagne, Dashain sangai panchak aaune
Langurma rakhe burja, burjama rakhe paan tribal parne
Chha goti, tin goti, ra chyakhele dachhina sabai lane
Hadigauko bayan gari ke sadh-dhe hune

Tudaldeviko jatrama mane khatle matra taruni khojya hune
Naran jatrama tarunilai main dera line marnai parne
Kisna-astamiko tilla parya lakhe aru jaad jaad bhanne
Hadigauko bayan gari ke sadh-dhe hune

Paani paresi kun dhal kun ke barabari hune
Khaldai khaldako sadak aru denjar hune
Taxi lai hadigau jau bhanyo khali chhaina bhanne
Hadigauko bayan gari ke sadh-dhe hune

Dhumbarai uttar purba-bhatkyapool purbama rakhne
Dakhin tira maali gau, tangal dakhin-paschhim herne
Bhatbhateni paschhim ma, bishalnagar uttar paschhim kurne
Alpatrawati, khattampuri nagari hadigauko bayan gari ke sadh.dhe hune..

[aba hamro hadigauko bayan garna ta hajjar jibro bhako shesh nagko ta samarthe chhain bhane ma jasto bhu.pu. hadigaule ko ke himmat---tyai pani]

Tara je bhaye ni jasto bhayeni afno hadigau jattiko pyaro thau duniyama katai chhaina.

Ascintillating dream is nothing but illusive threat when it comes way too close to interact with the reality. Threat of what? Bijaya thought he knew but obviously he did not. Now, he only wish I did.

Punjab University in Chandigarh is where he was supposed to be soon. Dashain was zooming in and he was certainly in festive mood. Srijana was her name but Siru is what he knew her with. Siru.

He always considered BaluwatarCumMaharajgung neighborhood, where his mamaghar is, a dull place. Dinesh, his kanchho mamako chhora, was and still is a great friend of his. In fact, when he is in good mood, he even calls him his best friend. On Ghatasthapana day, Bijaya went to Dinesh�s house and found him on the kausi. Bijaya said *let�s go to Bhagwatibahl * Dinesh agreed but was not swift as before. He seemed a bit disoriented as they talked there waiting for cups of teas. *Where are you lost?* Bijaya asked. Pointing at a house a couple of hundred yards away with his sparkling eyes Dinesh said *there *. Bijay threw his eyes and scanned the house Dinesh referred to only to be surprised pleasantly, of course. Keeping his blessed eyes steady at that celestial beauty, who was anchoring his eyes, he asked Dinesh *who is she?* �Siru� He replied. Then, promptly questioning to himself the validity of the adjective *dull *for his mamaghar neighborhood, Bijay duly revoked that adjective with joy.

Dinesh told Bijay that Siru�s family moved to the house just last week. The marvelous looking Chinese-bricked house, which the previous owner had put up for sale when his daughter ran away with the domestic help guy a day before her scheduled engagement with an engineer, was a glowing with Siru. Siru, soon became the, yes THE, point or perhaps dynamic center of attraction for a pack of nabayubaks like Bijay. The ultimate goal for him like all others, nawayubaks, there was to penetrate the core of that dynamic center and remain there to stabilize the dynamism in Siru to such an undisputed extent that favored his intent. Here * his * represents every competing nawayubak. Although the task was tough, and failures were rampant but the goal appeared to be so rewarding- then- that the relentless devotion within him kept on countering toughness of the task. However, the devotion he defended with passion for the goal was terribly flawed. He only knew later when his own heart refused to vouch him ignoring his repeated vociferous appeals.

It was the Maha-Astami day and Bijay was at Sobha bhagwati (swabhagwati) with Dinesh. Bijay was defending his eyes as they cross the Bisnumati bridge for swabhagwati saying he saw Siru there at the Indrayani temple. �You see Siru everywhere these days-No wonder� Dinesh maintained. But Bijay was right. Outside the temple, they met Siru, and her parents. Being in joyous mood, perhaps, the father offered them the ride back home. The father sat with the driver on the front passenger seat, and on the back seat Dinesh sat with the mother and with the providence of bhagwati Bijay was blessed to flank Siru on her left side. This was the first step. *do jism ek jaan jai ham * repeatedly came to his mind. The thought of that morning still warms his body up even after many years.

From the first step, Bijay took more steps upward and tried never to look back for sometime. Steps were rough in the beginning but he maintained his devotion to overcome many hurdles. The victory that was long recorded and accepted by other challengers meant less and less as the days passed by. People said Bijay and Siru are in love but he neither knew nor cared what that being in love meant. Now, he was looking for a distinct victory, defined by others but accepted by him- of course. Swept by those irrepressible intense emotions, he relentlessly kept on pursuing his front to record the victory they said would be the sweetest.

One fine afternoon, he showed up at his mamaghar. Dinesh was not there but found Siru talking with his grandmother. Siru made it clear though not directly that all her folks left for Budhanilkantha in the morning except herself�she couldn�t join them cuz she was having severe pain in her stomach---now since she was bored staying alone at home she came over there to chat with Rakshya (Dinesh�s sister) only to find her out -----Then throwing a splashing look at him she left. He sat there for a few minutes but could not concentrate.

With erratically beating heart Bijay found himself standing right in front of Siru at her house in no time. The conversation that continued with him asking her about stomachache took a flaring turn. Suddenly when he found himself completely occupied in quelling her reservations with the pretext of vows and promises, he paused a bit but then he had to defend his goal. Epitome of surrender is what he thought he encountered when he successfully defended his victory. Many years later, he saw how badly was he defeated then.

Bijay was convinced that for a victorious person, the front or the cause upon which victory was defended held only a historic value. This conviction of his perhaps is solely responsible in challenging him to say later that the goal he vied for was terribly flawed. This is perhaps why he said what said *a scintillating dream is nothing but illusive threat when it comes way too close to interact with the reality. *

Very soon BaluwatarCumMaharajgung neighborhood did not exist for Bijay. He was rarely seen around there. Then, He left for Punjab University in Chandigarh. He occasionally asked to himself * Siru? Who Siru? *

Dinesh, in his first mail, said a lot about Siru but Bijay skipped all that part and read what did not touch her. He looked above the chandigarh sky to chase away the swamping feeling he was attacked with. He also received numerous mails from Siru. Although, he did not read any of them but neatly kept all of them for the reasons unknown. As months passed, he started to read Dinesh�s letters very carefully especially related to issues with Siru. Dinesh did not write about something he was waiting but scared to read. Every time, he replied to Dinesh he was careful enough not to touch, even indirectly, on Siru. Siru was like a textbook that he read and passed the previous year.
---
[kam ma pelyo--ek chhin ma lekhchhu hai]

He was gradually receiving less and less letters from Siru but he was happy with that. Finally, she stopped writing him altogether. Then he felt a bit sad. Really. Time took off and flew. He had no choice.

Bijay came back to the town. Found many things changed. New houses everywhere, new people. He was changed too. Hesitated a bit before heading out to his mamghar but was subtly intrigued as well, he must admit. Once again he was at Dinesh�s Kausi. Dinesh introduced Bijay with the new guy he was with- Sameer. Sameer probably sensed Dinesh and Bijay had a lot to catch up with so he soon left them there. * who is this Sameer ?* Bijay asked Dinesh. Pointing at a new house across the street, Dinesh said *that�s his house *.

Dinesh also added * but Sameer has no sisters * . Bijay did not say anything but he understood what Dinesh meant. After a brief talk, Dinesh, suddenly became serious and said * Sameer and Siru are going out these days *. A slight shock jolted Bijay inside but he maintained his composure. Dinesh added Sameer is what you are not� and Siru also trusts him * Bijay got his point. He tried to acknowledge Sameer and Siru are wildly in love with with each other but what he could not acknowledge, though, is he still had some residual love for Siru. Worthless.

Bijay did not like Sameer. Why not? He tried but could not explain to himself, of course. He had not seen Siru since he returned back to Ktm. Since he knew Sameer is the new guy with Siru he wanted to see her�speak with her---apologize may be. He really wanted to apologize for his earlier behavior with Siru but he was afraid. Afraid of the loss he sought and already gained.

Dinesh, with Sameer came to Bijay�s house one afternoon. They all talked about many things. Bijay kept on thinking about asking about Siru but he couldn�t. Sameer, before leaving with Dinesh, softly said, *sorry * looking at Bijay. * What for ?* Bijay asked. Sameer paused but did not say anything and left. That * sorry * kept chasing Bijay all the time. He picked up the phone later and called Dinesh to ask about that. After a short conversation Dinesh said, * sameer knows about you and Siru --- he felt that he took your girl away* . With a flash he saw Siru but nothing more. Siru- a celestial beauty, indeed. Bijay thought and went back in time to search what he could never find. *What and how much does Sameer know about us-Siru and I? * Bijay asked but neither Sameer was there to answer nor he could directly ask Sameer about what he had in mind.
Bijay slowly realized he was getting neutral with Sameer, but he also was increasingly obsessed, in the background, with the thought of Siru. He knew his thought patterns are wrong so he fought to suppress them as deep as he could. After a couple of month, Bijay considered Sameer as his friend thinking Sameer is doing what she should have done long ago but his evaluation favored Siru more than Sameer. Bijay, Sameer, and Dinesh had good times together in Kathmandu.

One rainy evening, Sameer by himself came to Bijay�s house. Bijay was a bit surprise but not a whole lot. During tea, Sameer put a file on the table close to Bijay. * What is this ? * Bijay asked. *take a look * Sameer replied. Bijay opened up the file --- goose bumps blanketed his body. He recognized Siru�s handwriting. The letter Bijay looking at was addressed to Sameer. He �Bijay- quickly knew the passionate letter was written to Sameer. Reining his racing heart, Bijay looked at Sameer, who was quietly looking at him. Bijay closed the file, put it back on the table and said * I don�t want to read your letter * . The situation was a bit tense. Bijay said, *let�s go to Kausi� �he wanted some fresh air to refresh him. It was still drizzling up there.

After dinner when Bijay came back to his room, he saw the file still lying on the table. Perhaps Sameer forgot to take the file with him. His heart took off again. He did not want to read but he read all of the letters in that file. He was petrified. Completely.
Next morning, he wanted to read all the letters Siru wrote to him when he was in Chandigarh. He opened up the box where he had kept them but could not read. Not even a single one. He called Sameer next morning to come and pick up his file. When Sameer picked up the file, he asked *Did you read?* *No * Bijay replied. Soon after,

Bijay left for the United States.
Bijaya after coming to the US did not ignore Sameer. One day, Bijay received an email at his work from Sameer. Sameer wrote * --- Siru and I got married at Manakamana temple this past Saturday --- ----- * Bijay got up from his chair---walked back and forth in the hallways and told supervisor he is sick and left the work. He felt like someone fired a bullet right through his heart. Although he sent a congratulatory reply to Sameer, he felt devastated.

A month later, Bijay received another email from Dinesh * Sameer committed suicide yesterday* . Bijay was completely stunned.

*Why did he do that? * Bijay was spinning out of control. * Did he know about What I never wanted him to know about Siru and I*? Is that why he committed suicide? * He did not know. Bijay started to get angry at Sameer and deeply worried about Siru. When Bijay called Dinesh to learn more, Dinesh snapped at him *what do you care? you destroyed her life --- poor Sameer *. Dinesh also told him he knew about Siru and Sameer got married at Manakamana but that was not official. *What? * Bijay was lost on void. Dinesh roared *now you fix the mess you created, can you* . *How ?* Bijay asked. No answer.

Bijaya missed Siru. He felt sorry for Sameer. He wanted to fix the mess he created. *How? * As hundreds of times before he asked to himself. But this time his heart questioned *Can you marry Siru, now ?* Without even considering the potential response from the lady he completely destroyed, Bijay paused a moment and replied to himself *how can I marry a parastri?*

Rachana is arriving today.

Rakesh kept on bouncing in and out of sleep all night long. Fire works by the government center at midnight, and elsewhere all night compounded his excitement even more. Crisp morning of a New Year day refreshed his joy once again. Lying flat on bed he gazed at the ceiling, and saw something slowly building up there. The picture became clearer and clearer with Rachana glowing in red outfits with diamond and gold jewelries sitting next to him at the mandap under the witnessing stars. He even noticed a line of sindoor flashing right through her parted hair. He could not watch the ceiling any more. As he slowly closed his eyes, Rachana quietly sneaked in through his closing eyelids and led him away to their room at kathmandu where they found each other to themselves. Jolted, Rakesh got up, and looked out the window. It was still snowing outside since last evening. He brought his eyes back to his room then picked Rachana?s smiling picture up from the nightstand and felt like he soared with her radiant smile. He knew then what does multitudinous excitement mean.

Rachana?s flight was scheduled to arrive at 11:15 AM. *It?s already seven O? clock*, he said then corrected with *Oh! Still have 4 more long hours to chase*.

Rakesh picked up a bouquet- of two-dozen red roses- that he had bought just a few minutes ago and was ready to leave as the clock read 10:30. Right then, his phone rang. He was about to ignore the call but saw a close by hospital name on the caller id. *From hospital?* He asked to himself then picked the phone up.
Hello..with an alert voice Rakesh responded the call.
*May I speak with Mr. Rocky please..* A lady spoke at the other end.
*Rocky!* Rakesh paused a bit. The only person who called him Rocky was Rachel. He never let anyone else call him by that name. Rakesh did not think it was Rachel on the phone. *Speaking is he* Rakesh could barely hear himself.
He answered affirmatively when the lady on the other side asked if he knew Rachel. Then, the lady from the hospital said that Rachel met a terribly bad accident just a while ago and is brought to the hospital in critical condition. The only contact information they found so far from her is of his.

Rakesh took the information from the lady and hung up the phone. He quietly sat on the couch. His heart was sinking and mind crashing like the clouds in thunderstorm.

Fifteen minutes left before Rachana were to land at Logan. All his dynamic excitements were being washed away with every drop of tears he was trying to hold. Rachel always told him not to look back if he wanted to move on. *You can neither come back nor wait to what you have left behind, so why waste life over something that was once but can never be yours again?* Rakesh did move on. In fact, he had moved on even before Rachel told him to. He got engaged to Rachana when he was still married to Rachel. Rachana never knew about Rachel but Rachel calmly offered Rakesh, when he returned after wedding, a warm congratulatory message with a beautiful card, which he just yesterday moved to his office drawer from home. Rachel never asked *Why?* nor did she throw, not even once, a negative comment for his betrayal. The way she let Rakesh go with all her dignity intact always hurt him inside.

He pulled out his permanent resident card and closely looked at it. Rachel was written all over it. Although, he was going to flatter Rachana by showing *R* inscribed on the ring that he was wearing on his right ring-finger, but that R really meant Rachel.

Since Rakesh came back after his wedding, the only communication he had with Rachel was that congratulatory card. That card had a note too which clearly requested him not to contact her any more. That was about nine months ago, and he truly had honor Rachel?s request.

Rakesh moved three times in the past nine months. He moved to Boston just a couple of months ago from a Midwest state. And now his number is not even listed any more. He was surprised about how Rachel had his address and phone number. Was she coming over to see him? Perhaps wish a Happy New Year to him personally? Or spend a moment or two together for old time?s sake? Rachel had him as her contact surprised Rakesh even more.

The plane that brought Rachana to Rakesh must have already landed but Rakesh was still trying to figure out where does his loyalty rests first. He sat on the car headed toward the airport arguing back and forth.

It?s now more than an hour since the plane landed. As he passed the hospital on his left, he remembered what Rachel used to say, *..move on, Rakesh. Don?t look back. You can never move on but be lost if you ever try to wait for something that will never come back to you.* Rakesh put more pressure to accelerator to pass the hospital as soon as possible. He looked back through the rear view mirror and did not see the hospital any more. Red-rose-bouquet was quietly resting on the passenger seat. He then took the immediate next turn then a couple of more turns, then parked his car. As he entered the building, his cell phone rang. People looked at him but he swiftly turned off his phone before anyone could comment.

He saw Rachel surrounded with doctors. Rakesh understood the essence of the moment when an attending doctor told him that Rachel perhaps is living her last moments. He stood there numb for a few more seconds. A couple of more people came to see her. He did not know who they were. Rakesh could not share the life with Rachel but did pause to see the life, which once was dedicated to him, flickering.

Rakesh came out to smoke and turned the cell phone on. Saw 10 missed calls. The phone rang again. It was Rachana, who was almost crying.

Without thinking much he ran to his car. Closed his eyes for a moment then started the car and as he was about move on ?Rocky!?, Rakesh heard Rachel whispering from behind. Goosebumps blanketed his body. With lightening move he fixed his eyes on rear review mirror, all Rakesh saw was a leaf, a solitary one, falling with dead silence within.

*****
Please correct as you read. I am feeling down today. I just wrote and posted. Don't want to proof read. I have reflected my heart here.

Happy New Year 2005 to you all.

सूरजे सर पश्चिमे डाँडा बाट छयास्स ओझेल परया के थिए बेला साँझ साँझ परन लागया जस्तो भैगो। बाङगे र म पनि पूर्ब तिर हाँनिदै परोपकारको उकालोमा आई पुगया थिम् तेती खेर बिनसित्तिमा ताचल हुँदै छाउनी तिर बरालीएर। दशाले ङ्याक्या बेला परया रेछ, एउटी पन्ध्र सोरह कि हुँदी हो केटी लहलहाउदै हाम्रो अघि आई लागि। अब भयेन के भाँडभैलो? हामीलाई लागी हाल्यो कात्तिक। बाङ्गे लाग्यो सुसेल्न। मैले भने भरखरै चलेको हल्का हाबालाई ध्यानमा राखेर घुँडा सम्म छरीएको त्यो केटीको फरकमा गिद्धे नजर फ्याल्दै ?चिसो पस्ला है कलिलो ज्यानमा? भन्दिएँ।
बाख्राको पछि मैतिदेबीको बोका लाग्या जसरी हामि केटी पछ्याउँदै अलि अघि बढे पछि बाङ्गेले त्यो केटीले राम्रै सुन्ने गरी आइ लभ यू भनेर आफ्नो धोको पनि पुरा गर्या के थियो केटीले त्यस्को घाँटीमा बारुलाले चिल्या जस्तो गरी टाउको झट्कारेर पछाडि त हेरी तर भन्न केहि भनिन। हाम्रो, बाङ्गेको त झन के कुरा गर्नु, हउसलाले धरहरा टपि हाल्यो। केटी जिस्क्याउदा जिस्क्याउदै नरदेबी पुग्या पत्तै भयेनछ। त्यो राम्रा केटीहरुलाई आइ लभ यू भन्ने रोग जस्तै लाग्या थ्यो बाङ्गेलाई। भन्थ्यो मनले खाकि बुलेट केटीलाई आइ लभ यू भनेसि मरे नी बिस्मात हुँदैन। कुरो ठिकै हो, जिउदैमा हुने रेछ। त्यो साँझ चिकँमुगलमा ढुट्टो भएर त्यै ग्याँन पाईयो।

मलाई घरमा म बाङ्गेको सङ्गतले र बाङ्गेको घरमा उ मेरो सङ्गतले बिग्रेको भन्थे भन्नेले तै पनि छातिमा हात राखेर भन्दा हामि, भन्या बाङ्गे र म, स्वतन्त्र रुपले बिग्रया थिम। बाङ्गेले मेरो र मैले बाङ्गेको सङ्गत गर्नु अघिनै हामी ध्वस्तेश्वर (ध्वस्त + ईश्वर, अर्थात खत्तमका देउता) दर्शन गर्न बेग्ला बेग्लै बाटो लागि सक्या भए पनि हाम्रो भेट पछि भने लक्ष तर्फ त्यो भन्छन नी सिनर्जि, हो त्यहि सिनर्जिका साथ कवाज खेल्दै गर्दा हाम्रो बिग्राईमा अलि बल पुगेको सम्म चाहिँ हो, बिद्यानस भन्नु पर्दा। हुन त बाङ्गेले मलाई बढी बिग्ररेको भने पनि मलाई सधैँ के लाग्ने भने, अझै सम्म पनि, बाङ्गे म भन्दा अलि बढीनै बिग्रेको हो। मैले लट्टे दिया हो हैन कसरी यकिन गर्ने? कुरा मुनासिब हो।

दशैँ र तिहारको बिचमा च्यापिएको त्यो दिनले रात बोलाईनै सक्या थ्यो भन्दा हुन्छ। बाङ्गे र म मैतिदेबीमा जिउ तताएर सोजै दखिन हान्निम अनि दायाँ मोडीएर डिल्लिबजार तिर। घट्टेकुलोमा एउटा तरुनीको घर पत्ता नलाइ नि भा थे न त्यै बेलामा, गर्न सकया होर्या केहि हैन बिनसित्तिमा घर हेरयो, मनलाई दु:ख दियो, हावादारी कुरो उडायो एक दुई दिन त्यत्ति हो। जे होस, त्यो घट्टेकुलोको काम सकेर लागिम् उत्तर जन परशाशन क्यामपसको गल्लि धन्ने पार्दै ग्यानेशवर हुँदै स्वर्ग सरी हाँडीगाँउ आउने धुनमा। जन परशाशन क्यामपसनेरै आइपुग्या के थिम, बाङ्गेले उर्दि लायो ?टिप मासितरने ढुङ्गो एउटा?। कुन साइडबाट कुकुरले तारो लायेछ त हाम्लाई भनेर यता उती हेरेँ तर देखिन केहि खतरा। कतै लुते कुकुरले पछाडिबाट लुसुक्क तिघ्राको सत्यानास गर्न आँटि सक्या छ कि भनेर झसङ्ग हुदैँ पछि फर्केको त के हुन्थ्यो, हैन रे छ। ढुक्क हुँदै सोधेँ ?के गर्न टिप्ने ढुङ्गो बाङ्गे, त्यो क्याम्पसको ढोकामा बजाउने?? एक ताका भेटे जति टिनको ढोकामा हामि ढुङ्गा हान्दै हिन्थिम्, त्यै सम्झेँ।
?देखिनस त्यो चिल्लो मोटर त्याँ, आइज बजाम त्यसैलाइ?। मैले अलि हिचकिचाउँदै भने ?कस्को मोटर हो फेरी, धुस्नु चुटाईमा परीने हो कि?? बाङ्गे बोल्यो ?न तेरो बाउको मोटर छ न मेरो बाउको, बाँकि जस्को सुकै होस त्यो हाम्लाई मतलव सतलव भा कुरो हैन?। ल न त यत्रै सित भनेर टिपेँ मजाको ईट्टाको टुक्रा एउटा। ?झर्ल्याम झुर्लुम पार्दिम् बुझिस? बाङ्गेले उक्सायो। बउद्धमा हिजै मात्र किन्या गम्मको गलबन्दि भिर्या थिम हाम्ले, त्यै गलबन्दिले अलि अलि टाउको तर नाक, कान र मुख, घ्याप्पै छोपेर आँखा मात्रै देखाउँदै सोहि अनुसार मलाई पनि गर्न टाउको हल्का झट्काएर बाङ्गेले सङ्केत गर्यो। म नि तयार भएँ, जिउ रनक्क, मन सनक्क, र मुटु ढ्याङ्ग्रो भैगो। बाङ्गेले मोटर तिर आँखा तिखार्दै हातमा ढुङ्गो कस्तै थ्यो, म पनि पल्याक पुलुक हेर्दै इट्टा बजाउने दाउ हेर्दै थिएँ। त्यो चिल्लो मोटर अब चिन्या चिन्या जस्तो लाग्यो। ताकि सक्या बाङ्गेलाई हतार हतार रोक्दै भनेँ, ?ए राँडीको बान, त्यो मोटर त रानी मैसापको हैन??
?हँ ?? बाङ्गे अड्यो।

बाङ्गेको घरै नजिकै एउटा भब्य घर थ्यो, ठुला बडाको घर भन्थे। त्याँ चिल्ला मोटरहरु आउने जाने गरी रन्थे। ठुला बडाको आफ्नै पनि घच्चिको मोटर थ्यो। त्यै ठुला बडाको एक्ली छोरी, हामी सबै टोले बोकाहरुकी पनि एक्ली सपना थिई दिब्या जसलाई उस्का घरेलु सेबकहरु रानी मैसाप भन्थे। जाडोमा सल्केको मकल जस्ती रन्केकी रानी मैसापलाई ताप्न कसैले नपाको भये नी पोलिएर सन्केका भने अनगिन्ती थिए।

रानीमैसापको मोटर शङ्का गरी सकेसी ईट्टा ढुङ्गाको काम भएन, फ्याँकिदिएम। पछिल्लो सिटमा मान्छे बस्या जस्तो नी लाग्यो। नदेख्या जस्तो गरेर मोटरमा को रे छ भनेर हेर्दै ग्यानेश्वर जाने गल्लि तिर बढीम्। बत्ति कमजोर भाकोले मोटरमा को थ्यो मैले त चिनिन तर केटी त केटी बसेकी थिई। ड्राइभर भने थिएन। बाङ्गेले ठोकेर भन्यो, ?रानीमैसाप? रेछे। बिद्यानस? मैले सोधेँ। भुतेशवरले भष्म, बाङ्गे बोल्यो। ?किचकन्नी जस्तो राँडी एक्लै यो रातमा मोटर कुरेर किन बस्या रै छे?? बाङ्गेले मैले उत्तर नजानेको प्रश्न सोध्यो।

Long ago, Bange and I went to Jay Nepal to watch a movie. Eutai cinema mahinau lagthyo?so did not matter what movie was playing. Khalti ta sadhai jastai uhi ta ho ni pwal parya thyo. Tyai pani tyai pwal bata yaso aula chhiraunai parne---huda huda pwal ta bhwang hune. Anyway, we got to the hall and headed straight to where our aaukat was?seken/thir class entrance by the cycle stand. The movie was already in progress and there was luckily (so far) no one at the entrance tikas chyatna basya. Our (Bange?s and mine) eyes sparked, hearts pumped up and our excited feet took us thru the first shutter gate. Now, we were at the most dangerous place. This was like a small buffer room between entrance to the theatre and the exit. There was one more gate to enter to see the movie and if caught without ticket (hami sanga ke tikas hunthyo) there, gatekeeper, blackey or whoever was in a beating mood would entertain his wish on us. So, without wasting much time we approached the door to the theatre. A black and perhaps never washed since it hung there curtain welcomed us and so did a whassss aako pasina ra baayuko gandha from inside. What else to except from a seken/thir class chamber? Charlie sent?

We got in. We could not believe. Bange and I wanted to congratulate each other for our unbelievable success but we could not see each other?s eyes. Bange threw his eyes directly at the screen when I was still looking around for a safe place to land. Dharmik cinema re chha---Bishnu ko khutta laxmi le halka sanga michi raheko drishya thyo. Bange jo 12 barsa hudo ho tyati bela (ma dash jati ko thiye hola)--le hwatta bhanyo ?yo lachhmilai paye ta ma ahilei bya gardinthe, ta ni huh? garthis??

Obviously, dui jana le nai lachhmi bya garne kuro ma hamro aapatti nabhayeni chheumai aaipugya lightman lai bhane aapatti bhe chha kyare sodhyo? ?Khai tikat??

Bange ra malai gardan ma haat ra kammar muni laat handai bahirako buffer room ma lyayo muntyaudai ---hamile dai dai ma haina dai bhanda bhandai pani dui char khotta hane si garjiyo ?la yaha PT khel mu** haru?. ?Timiharuko bauko cinemahall ho yo??
Murkha lightman parechha ---bidwan bhaye ta kina lightman bhayera basi ranthyo ni---aba hamro bauko cinema hall bhako bhe telle tyasari saasti dina pauthyo hamlai? So, obviously, neither we nor our family owned the theatre. Ke bhanne? Murkha ko fela pare si..

Tara das pandhra minet goda faat satark ani haat kahile agi pachhi ladai pyaat garne ani kahile tauko mathi lagera pyatta parne--tyasto sabai garesi shutter dhoka bata ni ghokraidiu bhate le---firta hall ma chhiraidinchha ki bhanne jhino aashalai chyat chut parera. Bange and I did not speak to each other until we hit Nagpokhari. Then Bange broke the silence, ?lachhmi chwak ta kya chwank hai??

End

Bange was my best friend. By the way, Bange's family came from Banke bardiya somewhere there, so we used to call him Banke -- later banke apavramsa bhe ra bange bho. Anyway, Bange ra maile side dine euta keti thiyi down there by the banks of Rudramati a.k.a. dhobikhola. Tyo keti, Suntali, sanchinai suntala jasti thiyi prabho--rasili--. Bange and I used hover around her with all kinds of dreams but all our dreams had the the same end. You just imagine what that dreamend might have been. It should be an easy guess. Dhobi khola ko faant tyati bela hwangai khaali thiyo. A very few houses were there and a few more were being constructed. Suntali baluwa chalthi tyaha. She was independent unlike us but we somehow thought that we own her but not quite.

Suntali feri khai kina ho hamlai tyati dherai man paraudaina thi. Dherai mukh chhadeki chha tyasle hamlai tara jati mukh chhadyo uti hami jhan hausera ke bhanne. Kunai din Bange le jiskauda oo muskai wa gaali garina athwa maile jiskauda oosle gaali garina bhane Bange ra mero ris rag hunthyo. Sathi bhaikana pani hami competitor thim ni ta.

Tara bange maha daka re chha prabho, malai pachhi tha bho---pachhi mane much later.

Maile royera dashaima euta lether ko jyaket hat parya thiye. Man, I had to do a real drama with my mom to have that jacket. Bange always used to have gidh.dhe najar on my it. Everytime he got a chance he used to borrow my jacket.

One evening, Bange came to my house and asked for my jacket. It was fagun, I think. Not much cold but that evening it looked like rain is going to fall. So was a bit cool. I said no many times but he did not care. Kept on begging. Said he had to go to Chabel with some of his relatives and will return the jacket tomorrow. We ususally used to go everywhere together but he did not ask me to come that evening with him. huna ta usko naatedar sanga jaana la vanera vani sakya thyo. Je hos jacket diye with his promise to return the next day.

Paani darkera pari rahyo raat bhari. Bange bholi bihan aayena. Diuso bhetna gaye bange thiyena. Bange bholipalta aaudai aayena. Bange harayo. Next day, his grandmother told me Bange went to pokhara where his dad was posted. I was mad. Real mad. Bange mero jacket liyera bhagyo.

Gharma malai gaali garera basna diyenan. Bange ko sangat feri garya thaha payema gharbata nikalidine samet dhamki diye gharma.

Bange aayo pachi tara mero jacket aayena. Mero jacket sahid bhayechha.

Bangele mero aankhama chharo halera suntali chhodaune bhayechha tyo saanjh. As scheduled bange got to the place (dhobikholako bhatkya pul) and suntali was already there. Chal pujari mandir mein sakiye si ---per agreement Suntali wanted the money which Bange had failed to secure. Paisa saisa ko bandobasto nabhaye ni dekha jayega bhanera pugya re chha Bange ghatanasthalma. Suntali karauna thali chhe "chor murdar paisa nabhi kina marna aais ta alachhina..."Bange aatte chha. Bangele tap ta hanyo tara suntali le mero jacket jhyap parichha.

Suntali lai Bange le chhodayo---Suntalile mero jacket deal ma payi---mero chai jacket ni gayo suntala ni khana paina prabho.
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