74 posts from 2008

Gobinda-Gumbe

It was raining since yesterday. Today, it was not pouring but fis-fis pari rathyo-bhanchhan ni drizzling tyastai. Hadigao was lucky enough in avoiding having blacktop road then. Overflown clogged stinky naali and muddy roads were common scences around whenever rain was generous enough in the tole. Bindu didi le "ye-- ye" bhanda bhandai Gumbe paati agadi swatttai chiplera naalima jhyammai paryo. Naali bata uthne tal milaudai Gumbe le mukh chhadyo "Chhimmayyee ----" Bindu didi lai dekhi nahalya bhe khali tham ni bhardinthyo Gumbe le tara brake hanyo time mai. Since the anger was scaled high, afule matrai sunne gari bheni Gumbe had to say "Ma*&^%" and he did. "ka---ka---ka---" churos kinera firta aa paisa ganna laira Haku ki aama paisa ganna chhodera naali tira herna thalin. Gumbe naali bata niskida naniskidai 5/7 jana ra tin ta bhusya kukkur bhela bhaye uslai chhekera.

Gumbe's real name was and I bet still is Gobinda. Dhobi khola ko fant ma ekdin basera B.P. chuigam chapaudai mujhe insaf chahiyema Mithunlai iron le dameko gaf hanira bela ma ke samjhechha Bunga le "--ye Gumbe, ani lati agnialti nihiloni ni hai--- " bhanna thalyo Gobinde lai herera. Tyaha dekhi Gobinde "Gumbe" bhaigo. Latte kapal ma salla ko khoto tyasya jasto "Gumbe" gobinde ma tasya tasyai ani ta. Aba Bunga ko pani ke dosh? Sathi ali latheuro latheuro thyo.

Even if Gumbe's ba had seen Gumbe then coming out of naali, he wouldn't have recognized his son. My god! Dashain ma mattai halya safari sut ko pants ta herna nahuni bhaigo. Gumbe was heading to Dhalku to fetch a taxi. Balaju gas lina janu parnesilindar bokera lana nasakine bhako le dhalku bhatbhateni bata taxi liyera aauna hineko thyo som. Jhamela ma paryo. He was mad at tamashe who were standing in arch covering him. Tyatro tamasha dekhi sake pachhi Diwakardai asked, "ke bho ye Gumbe?" Gumbe did not reply. Mood nai thiyena ni. Betod le bhuki raka bhusya kukkur lai laat handim ki bhanera sankina lako thyo Gumbe feri chipliyera tyahi naalima pariyela bhanera he decided to spare them this time and headed back home. Tintai bhusya kukkur ra duita fuchche ni ali para samma pachhi lage.

As Gumbe was approaching his chowk, he noticed his kaaki's head in burja. Dhoka ma gajabar lako re chha. Dui laat hanyo, Gumbe le jhok ma. "ye ko huh?" kaaki asked. Gumbe was not interested in answering but he had to so in his angry voice he said "Ma". "Ko ma?" kaki asked in some raised voice and also said "ye bhaicha, ja ta hera tala ko aako". "Ko huh tala?" kaki asked again. Gumbe lai jhanakka ris uthyo "kina janne hunu parne jo bhe ni---*ma* bhanisake si ta -- . Before he could say anything more, bhaicha opened the door then screamed, "yaw maaaaa". Mom came running down. Aama lai dekhna saath Gumbe le charko swarma bhanyo "sakdina ma lyauna lai gyas syas". Aama le nai naali ma dhakeldeko ho ki bhane jasto garera jangiyo Gumbe.

Oo --tyai Gumbe-- ta dung dung ti ganai ra thyo. "ye ye ye.." bharyang tira chhidi color ma gaira gumbe aama karako sunera adyo. Naak thundai mom said "ka jan lako?" "mathi dund ma haath khutta dhuna&ahile dhara aako chhaina ta". Gumbe answered. "hunna hunna---yasari ni koi sama sama mathi janchha ? ja dadam ma pani hola tyasle pakhal.." mom said. "aankha herera hinnu chhaina---hera luga ko gati" mom was a bit screaming.

Dadamko chiso pani le pakahl pukhul parera halka nuhai dhuwai sakiye si arko luga feryo Gumbe le. Then, extra das rupya dinchhu bhanera aama lai kabul garayesi sabadhani saath Gumbe went to Dhalku again to fetch a taxi. This time he followed a different galli. He didn't want to face those same tamases out there. He brought the taxi and with bhaicha's help put the cylinder in the trunk. Purano Toyota corolla taxi rechha. Ghari ghari engine banda huna khojthyo. Hadigau-dhalku-bhatbhateni samma straight then left at bhatbhateni and right at tangal ganesh then straight through uttar dhoka. All this way driver was sniffing as if he's a sikari kukkur. "ke dung dungti ganako?" driver asked. Gumbe knew what it was but he kept quiet. When the driver asked again, he said ali jharkera "malai ke tha? Malai ni ganai ra chha".

Then the taxi made left at lainchowr (chilimpark agadi)-right at lekhnath marga (scout office agadi) slight right on sorhakhutte oralo- (yaha pugi si bani parechha ki ke ho driver le sugna (sniff) ali kam garyo)passed ice/baraf "factory" on the left then moved ahead thru ring road and arrived at balaju aaudyogik Kendra. Thyakka tyaha dhoka (compound bhitra chhirne) nera pugna la bela ma meter ma paisa badhla badhla jasto bhako dekhera 10 feet agadi nai smart Gumbe asked the driver to stop the cab. Bhada tirera taxi bata niskeko matrai ke thyo school ko sathi Debesh lai bhetyo. "ye debe"-- "ye gumbe" chalyo. Ali chheu tira sarera both started to talk. Debesh was sniffing all the time looking around. "ke ganako yo?" taile ke tekera aa jasto chha, Debe said looking at Gumbe's shoes. Gumbe knew the story so he said, chhaina kehi ni gana sana". Ganako ta thyo. Je hos "ta taxi chadera kata ni?" Ek chhin gaf hane pachhi debe le sodhyo. "Gas lina aa" ---Baru yo machis silindar jhikam ta aaija" Gumbe said. Sadak tira herera chhakka pareko Debe lai Gumbele feri bhanyo "aaija ta" "kati number ho tha chha machis?" Debe asked. " ke ko number? gyasko?" Gumbe le taxi bata silindar jhikne bichar ma sodhyo. "ye machis! ---Debe!--" Then sitanga bhako Gumbe chichyayo.
"chherauti ta aghinai gaisakyo ni --number tha chha machis talai?" Debe asked again.

BB had to go to balaju. Aba dera tyahi bhe pachhi raati tya nagayera jaane pani kaha? It was about to rain. He was walking northbound as fast as he could facing Rastriya Nach Ghar and was approaching Jamal junction. Kamalachhi to the West, kesar mahal to the north, biswjyoti to the east and Ratna park to the south. He looked at his saiko five watch- It was about six in the evening. "Ye balaju --balaju" BB heard a khalasi calling. He almost ran to the bus when he heard a lot of dhyang dhyang ra dhung dhung going on.

Kun chahi bus ho, he was trying to figure out. The place was pretty crowded then. Bishalnagar jaane tyampoo mathi ta chil le challa chhopya jasto garera manchhe haro jai lagirathe. BB found the bus but was a bit disappointed to see the bus- overcrowded. Khutta halne tham thiyena. Khalasi spotted BB, aaunus dai aaunus he called as if he cared for him. "thamai chhaina" birakteko swarma BB said. "chha chha" aaunus na tham bhai halchha ni. "ye bhitra sarnus ta la ali ali sarnus--" khalis ordered all those passangers who were already fermenting inside. BB still hesitated a bit to get in. Khalasi got off from the door where he was hanging and banging the door. Dhoka ma handa handa kuchchyai nai sakya thyo bajyale. He came by one of the prison looking windows and jabarjasti bhitra seat ma kachyak kuchuk bhera basya manchhe ko chhati dhasera hat chhirayera he almost screamed "tyatro tham chha tyaali aghi sarnus namanchheharu pani ke ho ke ho---". Khalasi must have spotted that three-inch by six-inch space a gentleman had left as a buffer zone between him and a lady . Paile chappal khaisakya bhera agulto le hanya kukkur bijuli chamkida tarsinchha bhanya jasto ho ki sachchi kai gentleman ho ta usailai tha hola.

Khalasi scanned the crowd to see if BB is still around. He was. Kaha jaswos? Paani parna lai sakyo..bus ta nachadi hunna. "la aaunus tham banaidiye" contektar commanded in appealing voice. A feeble voice who must have been in that trap for way too long cried, "jam na aaba kati kochiraa?..yaha aba khai thamai chhaina---kochya chha kochya chha". Khalasi completely ignored the request but hit the door dyang dyang. Driver gave couple of pushes to the accelerator paddle---dhrrrraaayna--- dhrrryaaan, BB ran to grab the bus. The bus was moving at the speed of 0.05 km/hr. BB caught the bus. Gahaki aako dekhera Khalasi feri shoulted without even looking inside ali bhitra sarnus ta" pachhadi bata bhitra chhirya manchhe windshield futalera agadi bata niskine bela huna lai sakya thyo. Even the driver was compromising a lot of space. Aba driver ko ta kakhma matrai manchhe basna baki thyo. Tyo pani taruni paye ta rakhthyo hola.

Anyway, before Khalasi could scream with "uso bhe tyaksi ma jaani tyaksima" at his "bhid chha" comment, BB hopped in and bhitra kata tham chha herdai ke thyo khalasi le dhakeldyo. "Balaju balaju" khalasi called his passangers again. Nissassina lako BB heard someone out side "tham nai chhaina re chha". Khalasi enthusiastically responded, 'chha chha" "ye dai ali bhitra sarnus ta" khalasi pushed BB. "Itta chang lako jasto ho? Ahile nai munto ararina lai sakyo" BB said but sarya jasto garyo.

Finally, the bus moved on. Interestingly BB thought why would they name that big comfortable tourist bus "coach" where everyone seems to be sititng "kochne sochne ta kurai chhaina" and this mini bus yessima bus ni haina ---yasma chahi yassari gundruk kochya jastari koch.chha ani yo chahi "bus" rey. "Gha** jasto ka basne? Khai ke ke&" BB was thinking blocking both of his nostrils with index and thumb. "At least five fellow passengers must have felt the squeeze too much so they had to release this awful gas" BB thought and screamed at no one "ye jhyal kholamna jhyal".
Jhyal tira basne le hola responded "paani darki ra chha ke ko jhyalkholne?". Bus headed north passing yellow pagoda hotel, German embassy (used to be), to the right and Air India, Aeroflot office, Dugad niwas to the left. the bus contiued passing British council, fohora durbar to the right and Raj sabha building on the left. Took that circle paltela paltela jasto garera. then "Keshar mahal" Khalasi shouted. Tyaha pani dui jana chade bus ma. BB got mad "radi ka chhora haru kati chhariyera baseka niyaha kurnu satta wutai jamal samma aayera chadya bhe hunthena?" he did not ask this question to anybody though. Aba sorha khutte ma balaju jane bus kurera basya manchhe BB risaula bhanera Jamal samma aaula ta?. BB pani kyaaa. "Lainchowr" Khalasi wanted to know if some trapped bodies wanted the freedom. "tya sarsoti kyampus aghi rokdeu hai" some one cried from inside.

A woman elbowed BB "ke saro matteko ho". Aba BB le kehi ni garekai chhaina. But he still became cautious. Usko kuro kalle manne? "Char jane milera laattale hanera bus bata khadarde bhane aaimai lai haat halyo rey bhanera?" BB quickly said "sooryyasto bhid chha". "paataki" woman rested her case.

Sarsowti kyampus aghi nikkai orle. Euta seat pani bhettayo BB le. Aba jhyal tira basne kehi kam nabhe ni jhyal tira ta basnai paryo. Pura jyan ragadera pugyo jhyal tira. "kya darkechha pani" BB le balla ramrari dekhyo. BB Ramechhap ko ho ni. Balajuma vena sanga dera ma baschha. Jagir khana aako. Dui maina jati bho. Jagir bhetya haina. Looking at the rain he thought, yattiko pani kheta bhe si ta daade launa milchha.

He was not even settled well in his window seat, the person at the aisle ask, "ye dai khai ma basam na jhyal tira". "ranthanine garera bajai dinchhu ani taukoma" jhwaatta BB ko manma aayo but the request was from a lady-gam tiraki jasti dekhine. If the sahariya looking lady had asked he might have switched the seat, but gam tiraki lai ta BB le peldyo. "tyatai basnus na". The lady spoke "malai ulti hunchha ke". "maile ke garnu ta? Ulti hos ki sulti". BB didn't care. As the bus descended to sorha kutte even before reaching the split to naya bazaar, someone lit up a cigarette and let the smoke free for others to enjoy free of charge. Some one asked, "ye dai churot na khanus na, yasto bhid bus ma ni churot khani?" . Churote was pretty aggressive "kasaiko bau ko churot khaidya chhaina, afno paisale kinya churot ni khana napaunu?".

BB thought, "aajako tham ma jaagir milla ta?. Yo afno nam pani sarapai bho achel ta. Hakim le ke ho nam bhanera sodhe pachhi aba afno nam bhannai paryo. "BamBahadur" bhanya matrai ke thyo? Nam ta ghachchi ko re chha ni? Maobadi ho ki ke ho po bhanera--- Bambahadur bhandai ma ke ma bomb bokera hinne ho ra?" BB was still thinking and hoping just then suffocating smoke claimed its first victim. ye ye pani bhanna payena BB le. Bombahadur ko kakhaima side ko lady le ta "whyyyyyaaaaakkkk garera sabai chhata chhulla".

Light breeze passed by slightly teasing me and I kept on loitering not knowing what I was loitering for. "Really, what do I want here?" I asked but knew there are two answers as always to this question. "Nothing" and "everything". Interestingly, between these two answers my present world exists. Suman came. Let's sit there. Mandir ko sidhi is what I understood.

Yes, this is the same place. I may be "Who?" for many people around here nowadays but this place never questions me. It has seen me grow and play here. It has seen me cry and laugh. It is the only witness beside me on so many accounts of my early life. This place is the best confidante I can ever have. Knows everything but never betrays. I am indebted forever. It treasures my memories more than I do.

I sat by the temple and looked around. I encountered more new faces than the recognized ones. Even some of those that I recognize try to sharpen their eyes by squinting a bit to focus at me before saying "thik thak?" with a smile and hand gestures. I had a nonverbal reply for that "a readymade smile with a nod". This sojourn is not to exchange formalities here. I have come here to find myself. I have lost a part of me here. Right here. Yes I have. Sun did rise and set thousands and thousands of times since then but could not wear me out. Thousands of time rain washed this place since then but could not wash me out. I can clearly see what I have lost here. Yes I can clearly see. But I can't have it now.
**
"Sumi chha?" She came asking for my sister. She must have seen her leave. I was walking down the stairs when she entered. "Chha?" she asked again. May be she does not know. I gave her the benefit of doubt once again and said, "chhaina". "Kaha gako?" She asked again. "Mama ghar" I casually answered. She was standing by the door and I was about to exit "Kahile aauchha?". I smiled and asked "Kina chahiyo?". A vermillion hue ran through her face and lingered particularly around her dimpled cheeks a bit more. "Kina na kina" she looked at me very briefly. I noticed her mellowing but sparkling pair of eyes hit mine rather strangely. She dropped a piece of paper and ran out.
Yes, I was right in guessing. She must have seen Sumi leave. I picked up the paper. My first love letter. I was 15 then. I felt my heart was following the pattern of hadigauko jatra baja. "Taku ta takujhya jhya jhya". I was the happiest boy alive.
**
That day, it was around 5:10 in the morning and I was as always waiting for her by the door. We were into morning walk those days  every Saturday morning. If I were to walk with anybody else at 5 o'clock in a Saturday morning, I definitely wouldn't have. But, with her? Any time anywhere. She came out with her younger brother and mom. No, mom was not going with us. Her mom said, "Come back by seven hai". We all said, "has". Her brother was quite friendly with me and probably knew what his sister is up to. He was a bit moody too. He used to get mad pretty easily but I guessed he never went against her. Whenever he got mad, he used to call me "Deep" not Deepdai. But every time he called me "deep" and if she was around she would say "ye! deep bhanchhas?"
Then he would ask "ke ta bhinaju bhanne?". She used to smile at that but occasionally would say "ahile pitai khalas hai".

That day, we three were walking to Neelsaraswoti. We took Bhatbhateni pachhadiko galli then came out to cross baluwatar-gairidhara road and continued toward Neel saraswoti. Her brother was walking few feet ahead of us and took that right turn then disappeared. As soon as he disappeared, she held my right hand and looked at me. "Ma po nervous bhai ra". I looked at her. She was and still is the most beautiful person I ever saw. We walked hand in hand for about ten steps then as I realized her soft grip is provoking me wildly. So, I asked her to let my hand go. She said, "If this is the hand I have to hold tomorrow forever then why would I let it go now?" I never forget this.

I don't how three years passed by in three days. I really don't know. But they did. I was a fool. Yes I was. Whose fault was it? ---Then ten years passed. I spent those ten years far-far away from this place. Far away? Not really. My mind never left the place. My heart used to bit once here and once there.
**
"Are you sure?" I asked Suman. Suman knew almost everything between her and me.
"Yes" he said.
Suman and I were still sitting on the steps to the temple. "Did you tell her about me?" I asked. "No" he said.
I wanted to apologize. I had to meet her.
Few more minutes passed by. I was growing restless.

She came out in fire engine red shari, matching blouse and bangles holding a pooja ko thali. I recognized. I certainly did.

As she came closer and closer, I felt like somebody lit my heart. Felt like I am going to explode. "Sumandai" she released her celestial smile at Suman and took another step up and took one more then took off her sandals and moved on. Soft breeze teased me once again with her fragrance. "Am I invisible?" I questioned to myself.

I kept on looking at her sandals. With devotion, I wanted to kiss those. I felt suman's hand on my back. We both were quiet. A couple of minutes lingered as a couple of years then she came back down. Put her sandals on. Exchanged few words with Suman again. I was sinking. I didn't exist. No, I didn't.

She left. I saw how she is going away once again. She was holding poojako thali with her right hand because that left hand that held me once and wished to hold me forever was free and teasing me. Then suddenly looked back. With a lightening speed, a thunder bolt struck me. There was no anger. She moved on. "Did she even smile?" God knows.

I sank and sank for good.

Naresh didn't get the visa. Counselor lai tathanam mukh chhad.dai he was walking down south bound from American Embassy. He saw that khane pani ko property on his right and came down on it too. "ke yatrako khane paani? Pani sani kehi aaudaina tato na bhutlo sanga yatro jaggako naas-- karod rupya parla ropaniko ta yaha. Dakai daka!-- Now, he was walking right by that tree on the street. Loosely gripping his file he took that curve. "ma*&^% le visa diyena ba! Ma nepal farkine kuroma uslai biswas lagena rey!" mu** bhayo aba?" then he thought, 'farkina ta ma yo kuhya desh ma jh** ni farkinna ---tara ke ma kuro fuskyo fuskyo? Bank balance pani kusta dekhakai ho---ba aama didi bhai sappai chhan farkinchhu ni bhaneko hopaule gaath pelchha kam gardina bhanne hint ni dya hoaba khairelai-- kassam! --Dharo dharma-- tero massu khani --*vidya nas*--ta ke bhanai bho?". He was talking to himself. Visa pako bhe taxi chadera ghar jane bichar garya thyo, visa sisa udi halyo so he was walking down that paani pokhari ko oralo. He looked at the sign of Japan Embassy. "malai ta yai ma*&^%$ le japan jane visa de ni hunthyo---Americai janu parchha bhanne ni thiyena---tara yaha jhan kada chha rey bhanchhan---mu** garib desh ma janminu pani thulo paap re chha. Tyo Mu** dhotiland dekhi bahek katai jana namilne-visa nabhai. Then he remembered he could go to khasa without a visa then he countered his remembrance with "tyo khasa ma ke jh** khana jane?"---- Yai bhanubhakta ma padhya ho ni maile. He looked at the left side of the road and told that to himself as if he didn't know. He crossed the road walked down the oralo then turned left. "Mathikai galli bata ga bhe ni huni ni ma mu** pani feri", Naresh was frustrated. He came out to baluwatar maharaj gunj road through PM residence. As he passed that residence of PM, tyaha pani visa napako jhok dekhayo "yo mu** daka lai kina yatro niwas chahiyo? Dera ma nabasera?" there was no one to answer his question. He looked at the gate with angry look but as soon as his angry look met with those of army man he quickly looked at the wall on the other side. Mutu panu dhykka garyo. Took right on that baluwatar-maharajgung road. Came back home and lied on his bed playing loud music. Nobody asked him anything. They all knew Nare lai counselor le loppwa khwaidiyo.

Few days later, Naresh went to the Embassy again. Different counselor was there that day. Baluwatar dekhi pashpati sammaka jammai devi/deutalai laharai samjhyo. Dasha lageko re chha, he got the visa. Took the taxi and came back home. Bachhama jhagada garera tauko futale dekhi naboleko Dinseh lai samet "ke chha Dinesh?" bhanyo Nareshe le tyo din. He came back home with a big smile. Everybody new, Naresh got it. Mom was happy and sad at the same time but Naresh was all happy.

Came to the US early 90s ko summer end ma. "Myasachyusets" ma thyo Nare. Sommerville ma base pani bhanna sajilo sabailai "boston" bhanthyo. Greater Boston ta aakhir ho nai. "Aba ke kam garne?" padhna aako Naresh lai "work" le piryo. kam nai payena, Nare le. He was hearing a lot about "uh bo pen" lately. So, he visited one of the stores there. Angreji bolna lagyo ki ta Naresh lai dar lagthyo. Jhan tyasmathi khairele bujhenara Nare le dohryaunu paryo bhane ta Nareko swar kamna thalthyo. Gathered enough courage that day and entered a "uh bo pen" store. Liked the smell in the cafétook a deep breath. He was looking for a manager. Mutu dhuk dhuk ufrina thali sakya thyo, Nareko. For a second he thought, hya bhaigo. Then he said to himself, yastai garera kati choti pasal ma chhirdai niskidai gari sake---aaja ta niskine kurai chhaina nasodhi--malai aba apartment mai aayera ta kasle kaam dinchha ta?" Then came a woman with a name inscribed brass looking plate over her provoking chest. "myanegar ni kya chwak aaimai re chha yaar" Naresh thought. He quickly rememberd Tangal ganesh then approached the manager and asked, "I am a student hereare you hiring?" saying "student" helps, he remembered a tip from his roommate. "Yes" the manager said with a smile and asked, "Where do you go?" Naresh told his "sankardev" style campus name. She asked if he has any experience. Again Nare remembered yet another tip and said that he used to work in a café in Nepal. "Good" she said and left asking if he would care for a coffee or something else. "coffee" Nare le yattikai bhandyo. He got the coffee and the manager got the application for him. He filled out the form. For experience he put down he worked in a café in Bhat bhateni. "Nam ke rakhne café ko?" he thought. Then he decided to take the opportunity to glorify his onesided maiya's name. He put down her name as the supervisor and name of the café was also "sweet bhawana café".

--
Phone number afnai gharko rakhdyo. Manger very briefly went over the application and asked, "when can you start?". "Anytime" Naresh said. "Come back on Monday afternoon with Id and papers, will do the paperworks and go from there. And, yeah!, wear black pants and white shirt". Nare furung bho. Filene's ko chhidi (basement) ma luga kinna hinyo. After shopping, he entered the red line station from south boston. He was heading home. Inbound/outbound always confused him. He was still new. But as always, he took out bound as he used to going home from downtown. But at the next stop he realized "damn! Yo ma*&^% rel ta Quincy tira lagyo n'ta". What the ---. He got out and took another inbound train. South boston, down town,--govt.center-- charles/MGH, kendall sq., central sq., then after that noisy curve Harvard square, porter square then Davis sq. That's where he got off and came up. Looking at the statues there he asked to himself, "ko hun yi bhateharu?". He didn't know and obviously nobody answered. Facing west he moved on then turned right heading toward broadway.

He told his roommate about the job. Roommate was happy. He must have felt that now he can collect the apparent rent from Nare. Nare ta natra berojgar ni. "Paperwork bhanya ke garni ni? Id ni le bhanya chha". Nare told his roommate dude. The dude said, "well go to make the state ID tomorrow and take the social security with that state ID for paperwork". Nare took out his social and amilo anuhar layera bhanyo "Tara mero social security ma ta valid for work only with INS authorization bhanya chha ni ta? Chalchha yo?" Roommate dude said, yattikai ta chaldaina. Khurkinu parchha". Vime sanga magako Topaz blade le V ra A khurkera dekhyaidyo roommate le. Then he asked Nare to be careful in taking those letters out with the blade. He said, "khurki sake si pants ko khalti ma halera dhoidinu parchhaali kachyak kuchuk hunchha but works." Then Nare thought, "kina sabai khurkini? Valid for work chahi rakhna payeta fas klass bhai halyo ni---tara roommate le V ra A khurki sakyo. "valid for work" chahi rakhnu parne Nare said. "You will be the only in the US with such marking in the social", his roommate said. "take all those letters outkhaireko tyastai hunchha". Carefully Nare did what he was asked to do. Pants halera dhoyo pani darai darai.

Monday he got the job. There he met Roger. Roger was the one who was helping him with the register and food/beverage stuff. Naresh le nepal ma café ma kam garya latte hane pani khane kura ko naam ma tauko ma raato bhako bum (bun), pauroti, ra pastries bhanthe ke ke ho tyatti thah thyo. Kun turkey and cheese croissant, kun ham and cheese, kun corn muffin kun pumpkin muffin kun strawberry muffin, kun raspberry muffin kun ---sabai bhadragol. Nare ta chit chit. And this Roger dude was extra friendly. Roger nabhaidya bhe kun bela ma laaat hanera nikali sakthyo store le Narelai. In the beginning Nare was happy but later he was kinda confused. Roger dude used to talk all kinds of stuff but was friendly. Really. He was thankful to Roger for being so helpful to him.

One day Roger said let's go watch a movie in sony theater. Pahila ta Nare le "naai" bhanyo then Roger said "not this weekend but the next one. Come on Ray". Roger used to call Naresh "Ray". Arko hapta re chha manchhe ramrai chhahelpful chha--thikai chha ni ta man lage jamla bhanera "OK" bhandyo Nare le. Tyasko bholi palta dekhi dui char din Roger aayena. Nare didn't know where did he go. Jhan cinema herna jaani bhanthyo bhate, he thought. He asked Maria but Maria smiled at him and said "what do you care?" Then Nare asked nothing.

Before weekend, Roger came back. Naresh said "hi" to him. Roger as always smiled at Nare and showed his extra friendliness. "yo mu** kina yasto taal ko?" Nare asked again to himself. Roger was working at the register next to him. So, Naresh asked, "where have you been?" . "why? Did you miss me?" Roger asked back and winked at Nare. Nare smiled but thought, "ke taal ko mu** re chha---yellai ni ke miss garai bho ra tyo myanegarni lai bhe ta ---". "I was gone to the wedding." Roger pinched Naresh and said with a smile. "Whose wedding?" Naresh asked. "Mine" Roger answered. "Oh! Congratulation! You got married?" For many undefined reasons, Naresh was happy. "yep, with my baby" Roger winked again with a muskan. ---"So, you're in for the movie this weekend right? After movie we can go to my place and hang out" Roger said. Naresh thought, "janai paryo ni---yasko swasni ni heram na! Side side pani hanna mili halchha kibharkhar bya garya swasni---ghar pani lanchhu bhanchha janai paryo nike chhodai bhora mauka---" Nare was remembering those new brides in his tole. "Are you gonna introduce me with your wife?" Nare asked with a hope. He again remembered the Tangal ganesh. "You wanna?" Roger asked with his usual muskan but with some surprise. "Yeah" Nare said and was still remembering those brides, raato saari, raatai cholo, gar gahana ra jawani le jhuruppa---lajalu---yasko baby le raato saato ta ke lauthi gumto sumto ni hunna jhan jata tatai khulla" "yeah, I would love to" Naresh added. Since Nare was quite excited, he also wanted to know kati barsaki rechhe yaski swasni aathar unnais ki holi. For no reason he guessed those numbers. "Ke nam hola yaski swasni ko?" Nare thought. Sodhi halam na then Nare asked, "What's her name?" Roger looked right into Nare's exciting eyes and said, It's NOT "she"-- it's John, my baby".

****

Kuro jhannai jhannai purano nai bhaisakyo bhanda hunchha. Rajesh was a na. su. Saraha ko karinda at a office in Naxal. Used to make less than two grand a month. Tyai grand pani eversliding Ne. Ru. ma. But he had a decent house built by his father on a purkhauli ghaderi near Gairidhara. His father was considered a lucky man since he was posted somewhere in Tarai town at a revenue collection agency. Jagirko paisa was for him-Rajesh- to keep or spend. Rajesh even used to bring his office motorbike- a Rajdoot 175CC- to impress other unemployed bhateharu like me and sundarlepan le mag magayeka nawa taruniharu. Chwak maiyaka ghar aghika bata ma ta afno puchharko jhinga tokna ghumeko kukkur jhai ghumthyo usko motorbike pithuma uslai bokera. Bidhiko bidambana, not even a single maiya let alone the chwaks ever gave him attention. So, he gradually pulled out from our neighborhood and was frequently seen sitting right in front of PK not campus but school in Dillibazar occasionally with his rowdy Rajdoot. Afno tole lai lakshit gardai bhanthyo, tyo tole ma ta euta chwak chhaina yaaar---sappai ghorpa nai ghorpa. I didnt know what ghorpa meant but was certain that it did not mean beauty.

It was almost 4 Tuesday afternoon and Rajesh was sitting in front of PK school focusing his fading eyes at the main gate for any or all those young girls in green suit and white shawl. It has been more than a month since he started this taruni jhukkau campaign but so far the campaign was still stuck at its feet. No luck. Everyday Rajesh felt lucky before 4 but unlucky after 5. That day too he was having good vibration inside. Rajdoot was also with him that afternoon. KTharu mauriko gola bata niskya jastai niskya niskai the but being a thorn, perhaps, not even a single mauri was sticking her eyes on poor Rajesh. Then amazingly as always a Rolls Royce pulled over by the main gate. Yasto school ma ko aaune re chha Rolls Royce liyera? Rajesh thought. What did he knew what that afternoon had for him. A young girl came out of the main gate. The driver of that Rolls Royce opened the door for the girl bowing his head. She hopped in but not before locking her eyes with Rajeshs. He couldnt believe what just happened. He was still in shock but she was not. She looked back at him again from her back windshield with her lovely eyes. Rolls Royce started rolling. Bhagwan deta hai to chhappar far ke deta hai he said to himself and kicked his bike for start and rolled on following that car.

Rolls Royce passed Kamal pokhari, Naxal, Tangal, Bhatbhateni, turned right toward Dhalku then leaving behind that Dhalku curve, the car headed toward Bishalnagar. Yasko ghar kaha re chha? Rajesh asked to himself but he didnt know. Also, it really didnt matter much to him anyway. She looked back many times during that joy ride and Rajesh thought she even smiled a couple of times at him. But who knows for sure. May be she did may be she didnt. Her Rolls Royce hunked right in front of a black huge gate of a palace looking compound. The door opened, the car moved on but as the doorman was closing the gate, the girl looked back at Rajesh. Rajesh swore he saw her smiling at him. That black gate was the dead end for him.

Next day he was at the PK gate right ontime. He couldnt borrow Rajdoot from his work that day but that was not the issue with him. That day a Mercedes pulled over. She certainly smiled at him and got in the car. Rajesh fanatically searched for a taxi. He asked the taxi cab to follow the Mercedes. She again looked back and smiled at him. She certainly did. Again, her Mercedes entered that huge black gate of her palace leaving Rajesh behind. He paid off the cab and walked back home through Baluwatar and by following that paved road between Nilsaraswati and Bhatbhateni.

Bholi palta pani Rajesh kuri rahyo PK ko gate ma. She came but didnt look at him at all. He didnt understand a thing but still followed her all the way to her palace but she did not looked back.No, not even once. He paid the taxi and walked back to home in Gairidhara with a heavy heart. What happened he did not know. Tyasko bholi palta parsi palta pani she didnt care for him. Rajesh ko mutu charkyo. He kept on following her. Usle afno prem chamatkar sathiharulai sunaunai la thyo tara taruni ko chal bhadkina lako dekhera dikka bho. Aba ali ali garera Rajesh le uslai man nalagi nalagi bhe ni birsana khojdai thyo tara tyo din feri she smiled at him. He did not think much but stopped a taxi and followed her to her black gate again. Right before entering her palace, she waved at him. Rajesh ta Budhanilkantha jastai bho---dangrangai.

Kahile hasne kahile nahasne kahile school aaune kahile naaunekahile wave pani garne kahile wastai nagarnegarda gardai dui mahina bityo. Duitai mahina ko talab taxi ra sathiharu lai chadaudai chat bhaisakya thyo tara taruni sanga ek sabda bolna pa haina Rajeshle.

Tyo din pani Bishalnagar samma taxi ma follow gardai aayo Rajesh. She went in with a melting smile and provoking wave leaving him wander outside. As he was returning, Bikramdai said to Rajesh from that kumari than tree, pachhi karang ma sarangi bajaunu parla hai baulaha ko pachhi nalag. Rajesh didnt like the comment. Afu patyauna saknu chhaina ani kasaile patyauna layo bhani dadho garne.

Rajesh was madly in love with her.

Sometimes later, I met him in Bhatbhateni. Bharkhar banako ghar tira herdai ohoro dohoro gardai thyo. After initial formalities, I asked about that darbariya girl. He just got irritated then said hyaaa----- Yo ghar ma Guntum ko baini baschhe yaar he said with enthusiasm. Kina ra ke bho? I wanted to know about that palace girl. Aru ke hunthyo? Tyo kt tam mu** sadkya re chha nta---khattam mu** bahula re chha yaar---katti lai jhundai sakya re chha---mu** ma pani**kya bawal*** hawa khuskya kt ko pachhi lagira--- He quickly smiled then said,tara yo Manange Guntum ko baini ni harip chwak chhe yaar---kasseki chhehijo ek smile di saki---baru mu ** ta arko side bata hinnaahile feri bhadkeli.

Today is Fau. After many years, I am back in kathmandu. Now, I am not expected to resort into lola charging extravaganza, even though ghari ghari hanam hanam jasto ta lagchha kasai kasai lai. Fau purne always reminds me of Bhawana. Oh! My god! Bhawana---Bhawana---Bhawana. Just a casual thought of her, as always, takes me to a wild but bumpy ride. This terrace "Chhat" has witnessed number of priceless moments I shared with Bhawana. It was in the faupurne like this one, I held her hand with immense devotion and before she could measure my gazing bhang dazed eyes I ----. Well, I will come back to this later.

Lonely sun seems to be descending fairly quietly over the western skies just like on that day. Fagu in Kathmandu was always rough, especially for young females. Ek mahina aghi dekhi lola varera taruni mathi "charge" garthe ma pani---aru lai matrai ke bhannu. Dashain aaunu bhanda ek mahina aghi dekhi "nauratha" lagthyo, kojagrat purne ko parsi palta dekhi "panchak" lagthyo hamlai, although juwa (gambling) sadhai fukeko hunthyo hamro hadigau ma. By the way, I always used to think what's up with this jhoor name "hadigau"? hamro tol ma hadi sadi paune ni kaha ho ra feri? Hadi sadi gamala samala ghaito saito kinna bhane kalo pool chheu janu parthyo. Actually, the correct name of our tole was "Harigram" rey. So? Sounds soooo like a village in Sarlahi---Anyway, Harigram slided to "harigam"-"harigau" and finally to the exotic "hadigau" rey yesssima---! Katai kasai lai bhanna man lagdainathyo "ma hadigau ko bhanera". "ke khana bhanni?" "ke nai thiyo ra hadigauma?" My friend used to "yo mu** kuiya tole"

Hamro Hadigauma hadi sadi nabhayeni aru nikkai kura thiye. Like what? Oh! The list is longer than dhobikhola but let me mention some features from good old hadigau here. We got more bhusya kukkur than people, just a bit rain and our bumpy pitch navako but hilo ra fohorle kalo bhako streets were like skidding arena, you could walk any day under the light and see kids and stray dogs blessing the streets with their droppings. Ususally, stray dogs were kind enough in taking care of kids' dropping but not always. Bhusya kukkur ni sochda hun "sadhai ta abamu** ke thekka lya chha ra?" Behind the huge peepal tree kisnamandir, sarbada seeds paya always rocked. If you wanted to talk "manpari bolera whether in Newari or Nepali", you got the town. If you 're one of those bhatti ma tilla hune but for "ijjat" ko lagi Star-beer bottle chyapera hinne love-rejection struck jadya, hadigau was for you. At nights we could hear many pashpati and gujeswori bhaktas singing tukre ustad songs on the streets skidding over kids' and dogs' aftermeal digested stuff. "Nabhani deu mero ooth ko laali chori lagyo bhanera----hamko tumse pyara kaunhamko to tumse haihe kanchhi----paani ta khani kholako pani ta khanefuskela tuna cholako fuskela tuna---hame tumse pyar kitna ye ham nahi janate---then one high class jadya would add oho! uu ooo uu yee heee I lab u mor thyan aai kyan se---oouu-o---uuyeyee---yee laal ranga kab mujhe chodega?

Chhimeki tole ko nam baru dadhai lagne khalko thyo "Maaligau". Hadigau bhanda ta khatara chha ni haina ra? Hunata, "Hadigau" was not the only name we got. There were some other alternative names available to us such as kotaltole, nyalamatole---but who the hell would give a damn about nylmatole and kotaltole? When I meet a guy from Rolpa, he says "hi I am Vadra Jung Sahi from "upallo kot, Rolpa"you say "I am Deep from Nyalmatole? To me these alternatives were worse than hadigau. Oh! There was another alternative too. Guess what it was? "Bhuteswor"! yeah, right! of all "swors" we got bhuteswor. Others got Gyaneswor, Baneswor and we got Bhuteswor. Yasai ta diusai taxi aauna aana kani garne hadigau ma tyasma ni nam ferera bhuteswor rakhyo bhane kun taxi aauthyo hola? Diuso dada haru ko jag jagi raati bhutharu ko. Rati ghar aaunu paryo bhane kun taxi aaune bhuteswor? Usai ta tangal naghe pachhe muskil le ek dui wata batti bhetinthe batama. All those street bulbs were the undeclared targets for guleli masters. Ani, how would you invite your young love to your tole? "Bhare rati "Bhutesworma" aauna hai?

Hadigau ma aago lagi ranthyo. Tyo pani raati ma. Our tole was like a fort for fire engines-damkals. We could see a house or a property burning, but all we could do was either scream or cry or take a look and enjoy if the burning property was not yours. People would be heard screaming ye damkal bola damkal bola---. What for? Damkal aaye ni ke? Nibhauna sakne haina. First of all phone, in our tole, was like the doctor in a village health post. "muskil le bhetine". Ek dui jana thiye phone walaharu---asadhhe fuleka tara. By the time one would find a phone and make the connection with the "Judhdha Barun Yantra" in Basanta pur Newroad, half of the property would be burned down. Then we didn't have precise address system. So, the caller would say "la dai chhitto aaunu paryoyaha hadigau ma aago lagyo ke---la dai chhitto hai" then he would hang up the phone. After all, why would he want to waste time over the phone and miss the spectacular fire show? Judhdha Barun yatrahadi gau ta haadi gaukahile Tangal tirakahile Bisalnagar tirakahile nyalma tole ma aago lage bhimsenthan tira---kotal tole ma aago lage nyalamatole tira sidhai hannidai janthyo. We used to run toward the siren to run behind the fire truck and if lucky find the truck grab wherever and enjoy the free but extremely risk ride completely ignoring cursing hauled at us. We would also volunteer the direction to the lost fire engine. We were kind enough.
Then fire engine would make to the closest possible position to the raging fire. Kaha bhitra galli tira athawa bari tira aago lagya hune kunai kunai galli ma ta saikal lada ta jiu bangai bangai lanu parneajang ko damkal ke chhirthyo? Then they would try to run the hose to the fire and we would step on the hose for a momentary bumpy lift. The joy of being pushed by running water inside the hose was awesome. It was a free ride but a lot of people didn't like us having that fun. Ke garne? But we had to do that. Otherwise what's the point of running behind the fire truck? What's the point of being happy seeing the fire truck? Well, after pulling the hose to its last inch, the pulling firemen would look at each other in dismay. Fire was still 500 feet away. The hose was not long enough "pipe pugena pipe pugena"people would scream. "Arko tira bata tannu parchha---aghinai oota tira bata tannu parne--", we would run to arko tira. "haina force le hanne yaha bata ni bhyauchha" some would argueall in chaossomeone starts shooting water aiming at the fire but the water barely reaches there. Water is wasted. Fire still going on. "damkal ma pani sakiyopaani ka chha?" one damkal guy would ask? "Thulo pokhari bata tannu parchha" we and many others would suggest. After a few minutes of galfati tanker runs for water and we chase the tanker for free ride again. By the time fire engine comes back, either the fire is over or is out of control.

My good friend Amrite says, "damkal ta tya gyarej bata niskiyo ki khasi dhalchha re tya---aba yiniharule yaha bata gayesikhasi ko masu ra bhat khanchhakya moj".

Transformer pani padikiranthyo hamro hadigau ma. "dwangga" garyo ki first response was always "la ma$%#@! Transfarmar chet". Usaita pothole-infested hadigaule streets tysma pani sadhai kasai le kasaile kei na kei ko lagi bato khani ra hune. Either the drain or sewage was blocked, or new "dhara jadan" or what ever---if the work is not done the same day, all they had to do was to live the khaldo as it is. One night, birami liyera hospital hineko tyaksi jakkiyechha khaldoma. Balla balla lyako taxi tyapani khaldo ma. Birami ko aaiya aathha badho chha---thenjust then jadya laureate of hadigau, "radhesyamdai" approached the ill fated taxi and after thoroughly inspecting the scene our swinging villu radhesyam dai responded aiming at the taxi driver, "thukka ma*&^%$, yasto birami liyera hinya taxi ni yasari khaldo ma halna hunchha? Beiman!"

Oho! Kaha Bhawana ra mero bich ghateko tyo fauko din ko ghatana lekhcu bhanekokata ko kuro kata pugechha. Well, next time.

***
[However it was, I always love hadigau. One of the best places in Earth for me. I miss the place every single day].

Dashainko poornima ko parsi palta. Feri aaja pani we were only eleven players on the ground. Nobody wanted to sit out until a partner showed up, same argument once again. I wanted Vaicha to sit out that afternoon. Why Vaicha? Well, who knows when was the last time he offered his position in favor of a fellow player. I don’t remember him ever volunteering to sit out. He was forced to sidelines at times but only when Bimal dai ordered him to do so. He didn’t care for anybody else, and Bimaldai was not there with us to ask Vaicha to sit out. Bimaldai, jaad lagayera tyai kisna madir pachhadi paya bhalirathyo hola. That’s what he used to do most of the time.

Anyway, Vaicha was one heck of “jiddi” dude. He had to play no matter what. Amazingly, even with such continuous record of playing, he was a horrible forward. I guess whenever he said “forward kasto machha jasto” he meant the forward players in the opposing team. He was more like a “rango” as a forward than a “machha”. I argued once again “mu** bhaicha, talai mu** sadhai khelnu parne---ek chhin basna—ahile kohi na kohi ta aaihalchha ni—ani khelnu”. Vaicha simply said, “jha* pani niskinna ma ta”. “Mar ta ma%$#@ alachhina Vaicha”, I said with frustration and came to sideline and sat there watching him and others play. I was waiting for Dipesh to show up any moment now. In fact, I had mentioned to all the dudes that Dipesh is back, and I saw him coming last night in bhutesowr. Ten, or may be fifteen minutes in the game, I saw Bimaldai coming to the ground.

****

We’ve been playing football at this faant for almost a year now. Not sure who owned this piece of land but nobody cared to plant anything in it. So, it was a perfect football ground for us. Just a few months back, we were at this very faant (open field) playing football and a dude showed up. He was a new dude. I had never seen him before and I don’t think none of us there on the ground knew him. Cuz nobody recognized his presence there. We just looked at him once and kept on playing. This new dude seemed, as most of us, in his mid teen age and also seemed friendly. Even though none of us greeted him, he was smiling at us. We didn’t care. I wonder why we were so cold toward him, but we were.

No one asked him if he wanted play with us. May be because we were evenly distributed and no one team could take him as an extra. He stood for a while by the side line then sat by our side of chappal rakhera banako goal post. Barmu was golki (goal keeper) and was guarding the post with vigor. Barmu, I swear I don’t know his real name but he was not a bahun dude for sure, was a good goal keeper but was a bit aggressive. Everyone used to call him Barmu, so I wonder if he would have responded if we call him with his real name. The new dude tried to strike a conversation with Barmu but Barmu didn’t give a damn. Game over and we left the ground. The dude followed us as if he is also one of us. He was not. None of us talked with him that day. Dhungedhara aaunu aghinai he turned right and went inside a house. We knew everyone there in that house so we wondered who the f*&^% is this new dude. Barmu asked, ‘ko ma&^%$ yo? Ma sanga gaf dina aaira bhanya---ma&^%$# lai paanipet ma brucelee cut diu ki jasto lagya thyo—tara feri bhaigo bhanera chhod.diye---uta bata Anile le ball lyaisakyo yo mu** posta aayera kich kich kich---“. We didn’t know who he was.

Next day, he came to football ground again. Bimaldai was also playing that day with us. Bimaldai was in his early twenties and was a well-known street fighter. His full time job was to sit behind the kisna mandir and play paya and bless the nearby bhatti during paya break. His “aasirbad” was required for bhuras like us to roam free in the tole. For some weird reasons, he used to come and play football with us-occasionally. So, the new dude sat by the sidelines today, didn’t dare to go near Barmu who was giving a freaky stare to him. The dude was running to get the out ball all the time. We all knew, he wanted to play but we didn’t want to include him for some unknown reasons. After about half-an hour, Bimaldai declared he is leaving, “la ma&^%$#haru ho, dai ta lagyo aba—timiharu kheli rakh”. We lost the balance. Bimaldai was playing from our team. So without him, we dropped to four and other team had five. No one wanted to sit out in the other team. We were arguing. For any team it was a wining deal to accept five players in the opposite team. If you lose, you say “timiahru panjana, hami char”, if you win, you say, “mu**haru pan-panjana bhera ni—thukka mu**ho.

Suddenly, Bimaldai looked at the new dude and asked, “ye ma&^%$# khelchhas?” The dude immediately jumped in. No one could argue with Bimaldai. “ke ho mu** tero nam?” Bimaldai asked. “Dipesh” The new dude answered. “ta mu** lai ta pahila dekhya chain ta—kaha mu** tero ghar?” Bimaldai asked him again? “Raajbiraj” Dipesh answered. “yaha kaha baschhas?” Bimaldai threw one more question at him? He showed to a house behind some trees and said “there”. “Ka mu** Prakas ka?” Bimal dai asked. “ho, buwako saruwa bhara aako---tyaha dera ma basni hami” Dipesh said with his friendly smile. We all were encircling him and Bimaldai. “la mu** ta mero tham ma khel” Bimaldai said and left. Dipesh palyed from our team. He was not great but was not bad either.

The next day, Dipesh came to the ground with gotibhako jutta, half-pants, and a t- shirt. None of us had such goti bhako jutta. We always talked about them but none of us had a pair. Just because he played from our team yesterday, he assumed that he was permanently assigned to our team. He came to our side again. No one protested, though. Slowly, he was accepted in our team and became one of us. He became a close friend of mine. Even Barmu was his buddy now. A couple of days later, he came to the ground writing big no.21 on the back of his white ganji with black sign pen. He was totally into the game. He was a friendly dude. Now, if he didn’t come on time, we all used to miss him. We really enjoyed his talk about Rajbiraj. I became really close to him.

It was just a couple of days before nauratha. We were, as always, gathered at the faant to play football in the afternoon. We were thirteen players. One had to sit out but none of us wanted to. It was not a new issue. We always used to convince someone to sit out for a while. I asked Dipesh to go to the sideline that day cuz I had done so in his favor just last week. But he refused. We argued, then I got mad and said “mar ta mu**” and came to the sideline. He immediately followed me and said, “bhaigo Deep, you play”. I looked at his face and saw him scared. “kina ke bho?” I asked him back. He didn’t say anything. Since he was not on the ground with other players, the game was stopped and other dudes were calling him. He just stood there with me. “ke bho mu**?” aghi ta niskinna bhanthis ta?” I asked him again. “Why did say that?” He asked me. “Said what?” I asked him? His tone was not of confronting but of resigning. Other guys came to us to know what was going on. “ke bho?” they asked. “khai ma&^%$ ke bho? Yo mu Dipesh ke bhanchha ke---“ I answered. Dipesh asked in some shaky voice, “Why did you say “mar ta”. Everybody laughed. “hya mu** mar ta bhandai ma marchhas ta mu**---la aaija khelna ma ta ma***** k k na bhayo bhanthanya—“ Barmu said. But Dipesh didn’t move.

I felt bad and said “sorry”. Dipesh said, “bhaigo Deep tai khel, I am going to miss the game for many days, anyway.” We all looked at him. “I am going home-Raajbiraj tomorrow for dashain with my parents” He said in a soft voice. Kumar asked, “kaile aauchhas?” “Purnima Pachhi”, Dipesh answered. Now, I really wanted him to play. So, I said, “sorry, Dipesh—maile tyasto naramro bicharle bhaneko haina—ta lai narmaro lagyo? I won’t say it again”. Bidyanas? He asked. Bidyanas, I answered. Feri nabhan hai ta tyasto? He asked. I said, “OK”. He played the whole time. Before he entered his dera-house he shook hand with all of us. We kept quiet for a minute then we laughed at him for his “andhabiswas”. “bholi ghar jana la re chha—mu** bus paltela bhanera dara hola n’ ta” Suraj said and we all laughed again. But I felt sorry for upsetting Dipesh. Man manai I prayed to the God “tyasko bus kehi pani nahos, bhagwan”.

Next day, I listened to the news and there was no news of bus accident. Few more days passed by, no accident news came to us. We all got involved in the dashain extravaganzas. Football was suspended for a few days. Schools were closed for a month. We were having a great time.

Poornimako bholipaltako saanj, I was standing by the bhairavthan feeling chilled air. Bimaldai, Shivadai, and many others were there too. I saw a taxi coming close and turned left toward oralo. I saw Dipesh by the window. He waved at me with his regular friendly smile. I also waved back at him. I was so relieved and happy to see him back. “Dipesh aayechha” I said. “Ko Dipesh?”Bimaldai asked. “tyai praksdai kaha basne”. I answered. “Khai?” Bimal dai asked looking around. “Tyo taxi ma gaisakyo” I pointed at the taxi that just disappeared descending. “maile ta dekhina” Bimaldai said. Well, I didn’t care whether Bimaldai saw him or not, but was so happy to see him back. Couldn’t wait to see him in the ground tomorrow.

****

Dashainko poornima ko parsi palta. Feri aaja pani we were only eleven players on the ground. Nobody wanted to sit until a partner showed up, same argument once again. I wanted Vaicha to sit out that afternoon. Why Vaicha? Well, who knows when was the last time he offered his position in favor of a fellow player. I don’t remember him ever volunteering to sit out------.

I was waiting for Dipesh to show up any moment now. In fact, I had mentioned to all the dudes that Dipesh is back, and I saw him coming last night in bhutesowr. Ten, or may be fifteen minutes in the game, I saw Bimaldai coming to the ground. He seemed fittu. Mu** Bimaldai fitan nabhai aa bhe’nta ma khelna pauthe ni, I thought. Bimaldai came to the side line and stared at me for a second. “He looked weird, I got scared.””ke bho, Bimaldai?” I quickly got up and asked him, then looked around to see which way is the safest one for me to run if this messed up Bimaldai decides to take a swing at me. He grabbed my collar with lightening speed and thundered with puzzeled voice, ‘taile hijo raati Dipeshlai dekhe bhanya haina bhutewswor ma mu**?” I was scared to death. I said, ‘ho dai”. Other players saw Bimaldai grabbing me. The game stopped and all ran toward us. “Ke bho dai?”Suraj asked.

“Mu** Dipesh died yesterday” Bimaldai spoke. We were all stunned. “Kasari?” Barmu asked holding the ball tight against his chest. “bata ma---bus ma---Rajbiraj bata aauda---Prakas was saying---Dipesh jhyal bata tauko nikalera bahira heri ra thyo re---arko pati bata aako busle taukai ma hirkayechha---taukai khattam!----I don’t remember what else Bimaldai was saying after that---because my head was spinning out of control. I was sure I had seen him last night in the taxi waving at me. I was thinking again and again “Was Dipesh last night, then, with his waving his hands saying goodbye to me?”

Ye---tero bau ko akhada ho yo?
Je man layo bhanyo, lekhera falyo, din na raat gundaharu jhummeko chha jhummeko chha..khurukka aa afno gharma marna janu niýmarna nasakyaharu---
Ye --- khai torch le ta torchýtyai jhyang ma chha jasto chha---
Police lai bola taýphone garna phone---

Aba phone ta ghiraulale gare matrai ho, mu** phone ko line sine chhaine ke ko phone garni? I assured to myself but was a bit worried too. On top of that chhyapi damned Machakaji was breathing so heavily on me----chhyapi ra jaand ko manau aadbhut misran yukta Machakajiko swas-praswasle ustai taukai dukhla jasto bhaisakya thyo. Meghanaýs younger brother and her mom were still scolding at us right and left. Love letter pani falya thyo after seeing Meghana near the bhanchha ýek dui din agadi tara khai kalle padhyo tyo love letter pani tha chhaina. Those mom-son duo had no clue who they were yelling at. I knew we were safe behind that nilkadako jhyang we were taking cover against (yes we were safe even against that every -day battery powered flash light) but it was risky to stay there for a long time, though. Anyone could come there in hero cycle from the other side and see us. So, I was a bit worried. Tyam pani raati ko paune bhaisakya thyo, mahina thyo Mangsir.

Let me admit. I was an absolute *aasiq* of Meghana Rana. K garne bhako kuro. Ghar tyatai hadigauko gallima thyo. Sorry, can't be more specific than this. Risk is involved. Rana bhe pani yessima taat paltya Rana re chhanýthey didnýt even had a phone line. Had a small ground floor house, but later added second floor, BTW. Anyway, Meghana was not the only girl in the house. In fact, she had 3 other sisters. Meghana maile re. So, what? Haina? Of course, the other sisters were chwank too, and I would have been lucky to have any of them but my other friends had already reserved those other sisters for themselves. Not too long, I had heard one of those sisters responding to my buddy Machakaji-a reserving friend. Just this past Saturday when Machakaji tried to give the kanchhi Surpiya maiya a faded vague smile, she yelled ýthukka kukkar moraý right after she poured some water for ýSaniý on that pipal bot. Alarmed Machakaji backed off.

Just a quick note on Machakaji. He was a ghwank dude. Dohoro jyan bhako mu** dadak thyo. His name needed a serious correction and the correction was long overdue. He was the most ýsaprekoý among us as far as the physique was concerned. Sapreko mane you know like that kauli near that outdoor toilet. Such a jyango dude was called "Machakaji" and was after the kanchhi maiya, Supriya. He should have gone after the jethi, Dibya rani, based on his built--but Asimdai riding on his Honda trial XT used to circle around the house at least once a day for Dibya, though. Ani, Asimdai sanga takkar linu bhaneko dhulo pitho huna binti gare jastai thyo. So, Dibya was like aakasko fal aankha tari mar but Gumbe, my god! must admire his patience and dedication to Dibya, was hopeful that drug addict Asimdai is not gonna be around for that many days. So, Gumbe was next in line for Dibya. That's how far Dibya was for others. Asimdai shivakhulit huni kaile---ani tyas pachhi Gumbe ko pali ---ani balla aru---mu** palo aaune kaile kalile!

The former, most recent, Meghana aasiq , Surendra, lai jaundice pani bhako ani Surendrako Ba (Narendra Baje) le bhogateko bot ma banera dui char swaththa pani laisakeko re tyo Meghanko aghi pachhi lagyo bhanera Surendra bro lai. So, bado muskil le I was in for Meghana. Kayamat se kayamat tak here dekhi, I was dreaming of running away with Meghana and blessing her siudo with sindoor right in front of Churiya mai, almost every day. Now donýt ask me where Churiya Mai was 'cuz I didnýt know. I had just seen her in many trucks that used to go through hadigau for balauwa in Dhobikhola bank ýChuriya Mai ki jayý. And I kinda thought that Churiya mai is cool.

Machakaji and I were sitting tight and as quietly as possible behind that nilkadako jhyang. After a few minutes of fat-fat mom and son went down stairs from the chhat. Oh, did I mention that we had given almost Royal positions for those Rana folks. Seto bagh padhe dekhi we were totally into Ukaja, Pukaja, Pakaja, and Dakaja. Meghana's father was awarded Dakaja (Dakhsin Kamanding Jarnel) because his bedroom faced south toward the temple, Meghana's elder brother, whose room faced north, was Ukaja (Uttar Kamanding Jernel), and younger brother was awarded Pakaja (Paschim Kamanding Jernel). We got no Pukaja, though. We had intense debate on Pukaja position. No male members were left for that royal position. At one point Surendra had suggested "Bisne's" name for Pukaja but majority of us objected. Now, who the hell is Bisne? Well, Bisne ke ta tayi mu** kam garne manchhe tyaha Meghanaka. Gumbe declared Bisne is only qualified for either Chhikaja (Chhidi kamanding Jarnel) or Pyakaja (Pyasej Kamanding Jarnel). For now, Bisne was just Bisne cuz they didn't have any chhidi and we were not sure if Bisne slept on passage. Anyway---
Meghanako ghar bato bata ali gahiro ma thyo and was encircled with barbed wire in all sides. The west side had one additional layer of security of thick nilkadako jhyang. That's exactly where we, MachaKaji and I, were that evening. Must admit, we both were a bit drunk.

"Wala-- wala" Machakaji whispered. Hereko ta nabhandai Meghana bhanchha bata hudai came to the chhat. Tyo raati jado ma chhat ma aaunu bhaneko merai lagi hunu parchha, I was delighted. Right then, as I was thinking fast to come up with some romantic move, ye ye ye---kah kah kah besyaka bhadai mu** kaha bata tilla bhera aako re chha euta jadya pachhiltira bata saikal chadayo mero komal dhadma. Romance fled and I panicked. In confusion, dasha lagya, I tried to jump in Meghana's compound. Like I said, the west side was protected with barbed wire and nilada, I was already bruised then tyo kade taarle ta mero jyan ma jatha-bhabi korna thhalyo. I saw Meghana ran down with super speed screaming "Muwaaa". Muwaa released her verbal speed from within---ke bho huh ke bho---marna nasakya gunda bhitrai hamfalera aayo ke ke ho?ý Dakaja, Pakaja, Ukaja, ani positionless Bisne all came to motion. I was in critical position, I quickly tried to cross the barbed wire on the east side toward mulabari, but dashako fandama parisakya rechhu ma--- yatti lamo dharko tanera bhassiyo kadako taar dhadma--
Jyanai jala jasto garera dukhyo. Mu** chokta khana gako budhi jholma dubera mari bhanya jasto bho. Hurukka bhaye---

Ahile samma ni chilaudai chha yo dhadma khat Meghana lai samjhida. Kasaile khatko barema sodhe, fight parda knife lageko bhanne gareko chhu. Meghana lai Pushkar Bikram le bya garyo re, BTW.
------

Aaja feri Shivaratri aayo. Aayo aayo deusire! Taku ta taku ghwa ghwa ghwa---Jasbindar Dilbindar deusire!

So, what’s up with these Jasbindar, and Dilbindar? Well, frankly not much. Really. Not so much for me and Anil, indeed, but for Bange aka Diwakar? I don't know about that!

Deewakar was infamously renamed as Bange for some weird reason. Tyasko baje Baanke Bardiya kata tira bata aako re! so just to tease him we used to call him Baanke Diwakar but later just stuck with the Baanke and even that with a twist “Bange”. Not that he liked being called Bange but we cared less to call him otherwise. Plus one more thing, Bange, Anil and I all were related (kati dine naatedar ta thah chhaina but were related-let’s leave it at that).

We (in this context Bange, Anil and myself, of course) belonged to a relatively khattam group while growing up in Handigau. We started from jumping into thulo pokhari (gahana khojne pokhari) with chepagada , taking many dives from bhatkya pul into dhobikhola with asala and hile machha to learn swimming. From these modest jumps, we graduated to just plain paper roll, thuta, bidi, gaida, yak, lali guras, occasionally pan se pachpanna churos, and then advanced to twat and other stuff ---kalilai umera afno khutta ma ubhine prayas gariyo bhanam na!

So, din thiyo Shivaratriko ani beluka bhatkya pul ko euta thulai kath tanera dhungedhara nera khaneko khaldo ma Mahadev lai dhuni jaganue karjekram thyo—and the alternative plans were bhatkya pulmai lagera aago ladini or Prakase ko ghar banaira tham bata ek dui wata jhyal syal ko kaath lyayera aago tapne mahadev ko nam ma tanna shiva buti tanera. So according to the plan, bihanai uthera I went to Bange’s house. Bange’s father was posted somewhere in the terai Malangwa salangwa kata tira ho. Tyati bela tyasko gharma usko hajur ama, kam garne manchhe Man bahadur bahek aru koi thiyena. We had the plan of crashing at his place after having shiva buti, bhang, twat, and what not bhare raati aago tape si.

Bange and I went to Anil’s house in kotal tole, later. From there we went to Chabel. Bhang sang khanu paryo bhanera---jati hariyo laddu khayeni lagni haina---pachhi alikati siri twat layera dhobi khola tira aaiyo. Dhobi khola ko faaant ma aru dui char jana bro bhet bho. Tyaha alikati asali maal bhetiyo jasto lagyo. Yastai char jati bajya thyo hola, dhobi khola ko faant bata hudai we headed south toward sattenaran than. Tya sattenaranthan ma pani ramro bando basto re chha. Dhanne bhaiyo. Ani chai jham jham huna thalyo sabai bhadragol hola jasto bho. Gaf garda gardai saanjh paryo. Then a while later we came up to Sarsotithan, few people were gathering at the dabali there-bhate deuta banaune aagadi---we really didn’t get anything what they were talking about. Don’t know how long we stood there but then when we moved westward toward Gahana pokhari it was already dark. Janu parne thyo bhatkya pul tira aago balne kaath lina but we were heading at the wrong direction or were we?

Tyo bhagwatiko mandir nera puge si Bange said, naramro sanga lagyo jasto chha mu** malai ta. I was not feeling good either. Anil pointed at the mandir and proposed let’s have some rest here. We sat at the temple and offered company to the Bhagwati there. We were not facing the road, though. It was already dark, as I said before. Not sure what time it was or how long we sat there but felt like we sat there for a long time. A dog somewhere near was constantly barking loudly and I didn’t know Bange was getting mad at that. “Kasko ma****** kukkur yo, ma**** Shivaratrima ek chhin relax sanga basam bhanya ni mu** kich kich kich kich. The dog kept on barking. Bange got up. Came toward the roadside and looking at a beautiful house to the west, Bange garjiyo ma*&^%$ sardarji ko kukkur ho ki ke ho yo?

The house Bange was looking at of course belonged to a sardar , whom we used to call Gyani jail sing (his real name was close to that). Anile got up and with a smile said tyo mu** sardar kaha chhaina kukkur sukkur. Bange was quite excited for whatever reason, I guess-- he roared with a question "ke chha ta mu** tyo sardar ka? Tyo alachhina truck dekhi bahek ma&^%$ kei chha?” The question was not meant to be answered by anyone but Anil volunteered “duita chwak taruni chhori haru chha tyo mu** sardar ko”. Bange deeply looked at Anil, “Vidyanas?” Anile replied “tero massu khani” At that Bange commented “mero ta mu** aba yai gha*&^ khaye mattai ho” But then he asked again, “satte chha duita duita taruni?” “Chha bhanya ma*&^%$” Anil replied. Bange asked “chha bhane ke ho ta tiniharu ko nam mu**?” Anil quickly answered Jethi ko nam Jasbindar kanchhi ko Dilbindar”. I was smoking churos and was thinking of having one more round of either siri or shiva buti. I was not so sure about Jasbindar and Dilbindar.

Bange said, “hya ma*&^%$” tyasto pani taruni ko nam hunchha jasbindar-dilbindar? Tyo ta keta haruko naam—mu** taruni ko nam ta Sunita, Anita, Bhawana, yasto po hunchha”. Anile said, “mu** panjabi ko nam tyastai hunchha---talai mu** baal mu** kei tha reinchha---mu ** Deep lai sodh napatyaye---“ Bange asked me“ye mu** hunchha nam jasbindar –dilbindar tyasto nam kt ko?” I did not know but just replied “hunchha hola ni ma mu** ke ma panjabi ko pandit ho ra?” Anile swore again and said, kassam tyaha Jasbindar ra dilbindar chhan---chwak chwak taruni India ma padhne rechhan ahile dherai bha chhaina aaka”. Since Anile was from Kotaltole, he had some authenticity regarding things around kotal tole. Bange paused a bit and said, la malai uso bhe mu** jasbindar bheni dilbindar bhe ni chahiyo aaja raati lai”. “Mu** ta ki jasbindar li ki mu** dilbindar—hami pani ta chham ni”, I spoke. Bange declared “you guys take that dilbindar—I don’t like that name anyway” then he looked at Anil and asked which one is better Jasbindar ki dilbindar?” “ta mu** bhaggemani re chhas Bange---Dilbindar ni chwak chha tara mu** Jasbindar ta bullet chha bullet”. “Ok then, I want jasbindar. Bange declared again.

Now since just because Bange wanted Jasbindar or we could take dilbindar, they were not gonna come to the bhagwatithan that night so with Anil's suggestion we were approaching gyani jail singh’s house.

We stood by the compound wall near the big but closed main metal gate for a few minutes. Bange said "khai ke gari hijyak garni jasbindar lai? Mu**ho idea nikalna na”. Herta tya compound ma aa-chha ki tyo jasbindar-dilbindar ki mathi kotha ma chha? Anil asked Bange. “yaha bata kehi dekhiyeta mari jam" Bange said after trying to watch inside through the main gate. Then we again walked a bit back to the temple and Anil said "la Bange climb on my shoulder and take a look. Bange agreed. After some failures Bange Anilko kaandh ma chadera looked inside holding the upper part of the compound wall. Anil was asking me to look around to see if anyone comes on the road. Not enjoying Bange’s unbalanced load Anil was asking Bange if he saw a taruni in there. Bange’s answer was negative. “then get down, I can’t host you up there for a long time, Bange” Anil said. “kehi dekhya haina mu** jasbindar khai ka ka” Bangre expressed his disappointment. “ja na ta bhitrai gayera her—gyani jail sing lai sodh gayera khai jasbindar bhanera ma*&^%$---orli mu** Bange jhatta”. Anil ordered. Yattikai ma ke bichar aayechha Bange lai orlinu satta he climbed up on the wall from Anil’s shoulders. “Ye ma&^%$” Bange ke garya taile? kina chadya tya parkhal mathi?” I asked. “Yaha bata jha* ni dekhena kei ni---“ Bange was saying then Anile interrupted “ja ja mu** bange bhitrai ja---Jasbindar kuri ra hola“ I was a bit confused with the scenes and before I could realize anything Bange jumped inside the compound.

Now I was quite alarmed. A few seconds passed by. Right then, Anile picked a big stone from the road and shot at that big metal door with full swing. “DHYYYYYAAANG!” The whole neighborhood woke up, I guess. Anile ran toward Bhagwati than then jumped on the fields on the northside of the road . tyo bariharu ali gahiro ma thyo--- batao bata dekhidaina thyo. I also jumped on the fields to the left without thinking much. We kept on running to the other side of those baris then came up toward lamdhunga. As we were running I asked Anil, mu** kina dhunga hanya dhoka ma? He did not answer. Tyo mu** jasbindar dilbindar ko gaf hanya ho ki ke ho ta mu** le, I asked him again when we took a galli toward kisna mandir. Anile just looked at me with a smile and started to throw up. I did the same.

***

Taxi ma jam ki --- Diwas kept on thinking for a few minutes then decided not to. Farkida aamla taxima, afailai samjhaudai he headed toward the bus stop.

He was lost in time. Quite a stormy day that was. Except for the lowering sun in the western skies all - wandering cool breeze, addicting those eyes, provoking colorful surrounding, tumultuous cross feelings- spilling from every corner- Reality-challenged imaginations, Restrain-shaking that vibrant presence- were turbulent in provoking his ever-felt so- floating yet firm dream.

He looked outside as the bus stopped. Mount Auburn road aai pugechha. Surya Binayak jada jasto, he was on the trolley bus- number 73. As the bus moved ahead he went back again.

Din thiyo Fau Purnimako. He was on the terrace with his elder sister, Preeti, and her best friend Bhawana. Aaja bihanai Bhawana usko buwale chadne garya mantralayako motorma batama alapatra pareka aawara aankhaharulai jiskaudai sawari bhayeko thiyo Diwasko gharma. So, bihana dekhinai both his sister and bhawana were glowing around the house with their lively laughs. Bihan-bihan dekhinai chhutti ko din pani sutna nadiyera halla gereko sunera mailiyeko Diwasko man bhawana ko pahilo haso le nai dhoisakeko thyo. Without no effort at all, he was separating her heart-tickling laugh waves from those of his sister's that sounded more like some chhachalkida gagri. Within a few minutes, he was in his sister's room holding a cup of tea. Although his sister threw a "what?" look at him, he was blessed with Bhawana's tangent celestial smile. What is love? Passionate surrender? Affectionate sacrifice? Or both? If love meant passionate surrender, Diwas was in; and if love meant affectionate sacrifice, Bhawana was in. If love meant both passionate surrender and affectionate sacrifice, Diwas and Bhawana both were out. Diwas had crossed 17 sarads and Bhawana had crossed 19 of them.

He got off at the Harvard square and took the Redline – inbound.

Tyo fau ko din, the entire neighborhood was colorful. As Diwas was strolling there on the terrace overlooking people walking in groups below on the roads with Preeti and Bhawana, a lot of feelings were crossing his heart and striking his mind. Occasionally few lolas would land close by his sister and Bhawana. Today, Diwas did not feel like going out with his friends for fau. He already had spoken with a couple of his friends this morning to let them know that he is sick and won't be coming out for the fun. Was he sick? Perhaps but not with the type his friends understood.

The train stopped. It was Kendall/MIT station. Diwas's heart pumped a few beats quickly then settled for the normal beats.

It was lunchtime already. After lunch, Preeti and Bhawana disappeared in Preeti's room leaving Diwas's vulnerable thoughts run erratic. Diwas could not understand why is he after something that he does not want to keep. He also knew what he wants is highly risky and perhaps that risk gave him the thrill of his volatile age a fueling boost. Jun taruni dekhe ni bya garam garam lagne rog le grasta Diwas batteling out a defeating struggle.

Spectacular view of Boston skyline couldn't draw Diwas's attention today as the train emerged from underground track to Charles/MGH. He was completely taken over by the day he left behind many years back and never visited to celebrate his "victory".

Around three in the afternoon, Bhawana walked up to the terrace again with Preeti. Diwas was already there. This time Diwas let his eyes follow Bhawana from the background. When Bhawana came to his house with Preeti the first time a couple of years ago, he was somewhat repulsed by the way she was walking- a bit limping. Preeti explained, Bhawana was involved in an accident recently. That limp had basically exhausted its scratch on Diwas's look a long time ago but that fau day his eyes running in the background noticed the limp once again. Diwas subconsciously hesitated. A flying smiling arrow from Bhawana pierced right through his heart astounding his dazed eyes and countered the earlier hesitation.

At Park St., he thought "should I get out here for Govt. Center and take the train from there or should I take Orange line from Downtown crossing?" As he was debating, the train moved on.

Although Preeti did not care, Bhawana was a bit surprised with the silence Diwas was maintaining there on the terrace that afternoon. Diwas was always eager to talk with her and she always enjoyed talking with him. Little did she knew the boy standing just a few feet away is not the boy, Diwas, she thought she knew. Or, may be I am wrong.

He looked at the watch and it was almost 4 in the afternoon. He did not know what did he come this early for? The train stopped. He changed the train.

"Feri chya khani?" Preeti asked Bhawana. "Hunchha", Bhawana said with a killer smile that over flew at Diwas's direction as well. "Ma ni khani", Diwas spoke. Throwing a careless glance at Diwas, Preeti headed downstairs to the kitchen.

Diwas was already prepared. His heart was going wild. Tyo halka hawako madhos jhoka jun bharkharai Bhawana lai chhoyera ranthanidai aayeko hunu parchha Diwas kaha -sunya ma katai bilayo. "Now or never", Diwas thought. A lola fell pretty close by Bhawana almost hitting her right foot. She exclaimed and as she turned back for cover, she found Diwas standing very close to her. Nothing happened except a pair of eyes locked the opposing pair. Bhawana looked just like the setting sun way out there in the horizon in one of those autumn afternoons in Terai. stay tuned.
*************
Bhawana looked just like the setting sun way out there in the horizon in one of those autumn afternoons in Terai. ------------- Before she could say a word, Diwas took out his right hand full of avir from his pocket and filled in Bhawana's immaculate siudo. Even the sun in the western skies paused and the time stalled. Diwas saw tears welling up in Bhawana's eyes and she stepped back, looked at Diwas one more time with spilling eyes. He stood there like a statue. Bhawana was gone before he could command his senses to work.

Diwas took a long deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. He got off at State station.

Preeti was dead upset with Diwas. When Preeti asked him what did he do or say to Bhawana, "Malai ke tha?" was his answer and even that in irritating tone. "Why did she leave then?" Preeti asked again. This time Diwas did not answer. He always maintained his silence with the argument that if Bhawana wanted Preeti to know then she definitely would have told her what happened. After all, she is Preeti's best friend. Since Preeti never questioned Diwas "how dare you fill in Bhawana's siudo?" he knew Bhawana never told Preeti what happened.

Diwas, himself, never knew the answer of his question "What did he do what he did then for?" He was dead sure, he never saw Bhawana as his wife then- in those days.

Aquarium is where the train was stopping now.

Preeti is in Vermont these days with her husband and a beautiful son, Udaya. Diwas is a big fan of his Udaya bhanja. Just a thought of Udaya brought smile on his tensed heart and mind.

Obviously, Bhawana almost stopped coming to Diwas's house after the incident. Diwas also withdrew and never chased the dream he woke up from.

It was a cold February afternoon in Boston. As the train moved toward Maverick station, he started to sink within himself.

Preeti always wanted Bhawana to marry someone from the pool of her relatives so they could be relatives and friends for all their life. She tried hard and it was yesterday, not exactly but it certainly seems/feels so, Diwas came to know that Preeti, in fact, found a guy for Bhawana. Prakasdai and Bhawana got married rey. Diwas was already in the US so did not see Prakasdai traditionally honoring the siudo he once violated. "Good for her", Diwas felt, really.

The train stopped at the Airport station. Diwas kept on staring through the window to nowhere for a few moments before recollecting his thought and actions together.

Diwas's "good for her" wish couldn't remain valid for Bhawana for that long. As he came to know that Prakasdai was not that interested in Bhawana from the beginning and after three daughters together, he quit blaming her subtle limp and incompatibility to anonymity. Prakasdai's whereabouts is unknown till this date to the concerned parties. Diwas felt more for Bhawana than for Prakasdai, who, Diwas felt, was guilty beyond any reasonable doubt. Society was extremely conservative in condemning Prakas but was higly liberal in slamming Bhawana for the failed relationship. Preeti was terribly saddened by the turn of events that affected her best friend's life so miserably. What else could Diwas do except for blaming his helplessness and Bhawana's fate? He did what he could. At least, so he thought.

He unquestionably shared the happiness with Preeti when she called a few months back to share joyous news. "Bhawana got the DV lottery," she sounded so happy. He immediately volunteered to sponsor her and her daughters and he did.

"Diwas, we are coming there to pick Bhawana up on the 22nd of February," Preeti called a month ago. Diwas was quick in thinking. He responded, "jado ma bhanja liyera aaunu parchha—feri weather ke kasto hunchha—hiu siu paryo bhane—ma lyaidimla ni tyaha hunna?" After a few minutes of conversation it was settled that Diwas would pick Bhawana and her daughters from the Logan airport and would bring them to Preeti's place.

Now, Diwas had already left the Blue line and was walking at the airport. He looked at the watch. He was about an hour away from Bhawana's arrival. He didn't know what to expect. He was meeting her the first time after that fau incident. He never thought he would, one day, be receiving the dream he once commanded with open eyes.

Reining his melting heart, Diwas directed a question to his mind. What is Bhawana's status now? Who is she to me? She is still legally-socially married to Prakasdai. So, is remembering her as his dream and letting his heart feel the way it is right now equivalent to violating her "married" status? What is a married status, anyway? His heart questioned even before the mind could answer. His heart was constantly defying the restraining orders his mind was pressing on with vigor. He was feeling desperately hurt in the struggle where his heart was fighting from one side and the mind from the other. Diwas, while in Nepal, never wished Bhawana to be his wife, so he couldn't understand what the current struggle is all about after all these years and does this struggle even have any merit for relevance and validity? This question went unanswered but remained active.

It's about time for the flight to land. He looked at the monitor for the status. It still read "on time". "Fifteen more minutes" he murmured as his heart tried to take off.

There she was. Diwas only saw her and nothing/noone else in the entire airport as she walked toward him. He felt like he was flying. Although he did not notice if she was walking with her usual subtle limp, he quickly noticed the glorious Siudo he once attempt to defend did not exist anymore.

He tried to remain calm but he could see his coat throbing on the left side of his chest-courtesy of his wildly drumming heart. Finally, he started to see other people and things around. He moved forward with a smile. Why was he so happy to see her? Was he trying to patronize her for the failed marriage?

******************************
Was he trying to patronize her for the failed marriage?

For a fraction of a second she looked into his eyes. Thunder roared with lightening flash. She held her three daughters close to her and softly asked them to do Namaste to Diwas. He did not even notice when the tears rose to his eyes. He looked at those there pairs of innocent eyes. This time he failed to understand the rise of his tears.

Diwas wanted to apologize to Bhawana for that fau incident for a long time now. It was really bothering him for committing such nonsensical act that afternoon. It was one of the main reasons why he wanted to receive Bhawana before Preeti did. Goosebumps ran all over the body as he unintentionally touched her hand while managing her luggage. He hailed a taxi. Most of the time, Bhawana kept quiet. He was trying his best to answer endless questions about buildings, roads, or just about anything those young girls had. He was really enjoying the conversation he was having with those seven, five, and three year-olds. Those girls were Bhawana's daughters, just Bhawana's. Prakasdai did not exist for Diwas.

Diwas had prepared everything before leaving for the airport for the evening. As soon as they got to his place, he called Preeti. Bhawana and Preeti talked for a while. After many years Diwas heard the same celestial laugh. The same Bhawana was there. The same? He thought so.

After dinner, Bhawana went with the kids to the bedroom. The living room was his bedroom tonight. He was supposed to drive up to Vermont to Preeti with Bhawana and daughters tomorrow. The bedroom door was closed. He could not apologize today. Never had the chance.

Diwas turned on the TV with quite a low volume not to disturb his guests but to redirect his mind somewhere else. Few minutes passed by-- Bhawana came out. Diwas immediately grab the remote and turned the TV off. She sat on the other sofa. Diwas felt thousands of ants crawling inside him. She broke the silence by asking how is life treating Diwas? Diwas, honestly, did not know the answer but gave positive remarks. He couldn't ask the same question for he knew the life has been rough with her. After talking about some formalities, she was a bit opening up with smiles. Then without wasting anymore time Diwas, unexpectedly, said in his humble voice, "Bhawana, I sincerely would like to apologize for what I did that fau ko din to you. Even though, what I did may be inexcusable, but I beg for your forgiveness. I did not MEAN what I did…". He was not done yet but Bhawana lost all her smiles and tears started to gather in her eyes just like on that fau day. Diwas panicked---he tried to reinforce "I swear Bhawana--I NEVER looked you that way—" He could not complete. She got up and before Diwas could assess the situation, she was gone to the room. Diwas failed to understand why the same scene reinstated.

Although the tears may have looked the same then and now, they did not mean the same thing. Diwas failed to understand them then, failed to understand them now. Entangled emotions will never be solved just by questioning, "where did I fail?" He was only apologizing. True, but little did he knew the apology was never due- not now not then. What Bhawana had hoped and wished even then and also now was the reinforcement not rescission. I wonder if Diwas will ever understand this, or should he?
****